In the kitchen with Phlip -- Jambalaya (again-like)

I know I have done this before, but I can blog it again because
  1. This is MY blog, not yours.
  2. I am switching it up a little bit this time.
Never mind the fact that this is something I could do a million times and never do it exactly the same each time. I decided that I would use the standard of rice this time around instead of the penne pasta, as I did last time. This IS not because I had rice and not pasta, but more because I felt like using it this time.
Other variations will be noted as they come about in the presentation.

Let us start by naming the tool kit to be used this time around...


1 cup, soy beans (happened to have them in the fridge, it was either use or dispose of)

The other half of the bunch of parsley from last week's pasta.

1 pound shrimp, you choose your size, but I am not willing to pull the tails off of more than 41-60

1 pound, sausage. You can use pork sausage, which leaves you open to andouille or however the fuck you spell that, but I don't eat pig, so it is turkey Italian.

1 pound boneless/skinless chicken titty (I am not feeding as many people this time, so I don't need 2.5 as before)

1 cup (uncooked) rice... More on this in a minute.

Fajita mix... Includes cut/cleaned white onion, red and green peppers


1 can, chicken broth

1 can, sliced carrots.

1 can, corn... I chose "Mexican Style," but do this to your own taste.

One LARGE can, diced tomatoes, again choose to your own preference.

Now, let us make with the prep, shall we?
Go ahead and dice up the celery by slicing the white part at the end off where the bunch is connected, shitcan that. Then split what remains down the middle, then cut it into little pieces.:

You will need about half of the above-pictured celery for what you're doing here today, so be ready to make something else with it within 5-ish days.


Chop up the parsley (or cilantro, whichever you chose) up just short of finely:

Take them and put them together in a container with the soy beans, shake them up to mix them thoroughly and put them in the fridge for now, it'll be at least an hour before you need them.

Now, take the cleaned chicken titties and dice them up:

[note: this task is easier if you started with tenderloins]

Have a quart-sized bag on hand, shake this up in seasonings of your choice and make sure you've planned ahead at LEAST 30 minutes for that to hang out in the fridge:


It has disturbingly come to my attention the number of people who do not know how to PROPERLY prepare rice.
No, getting a one-gallon pot and putting a few scoops of rice in it and boiling until it is soft, then draining in a colander then serving is not the way. Properly prepared rice does not need to be drained.

I am feeling generous, so I will lay it out for you here...
Before prep, plan ahead.

For EVERY one of these:

Have 2 of these:

Stove set to this:

Season/salt the water and leave it til it does this violently:

Now set the stove here:

And place one of these SECURELY on the pot:

Wait approximately FIFTEEN MINUTES and set the stove here:


Remove the pot from the heat, leave it alone for 5 more minutes:

Now you may look at it...

See? Was that so hard:

Don't believe me? I will break it up and show you:

Works every fucking time, trust me...


Prepare the rice as I described in the above bonus footage, go ahead and put it in the large pot that catches everything when done.

Go ahead and get the fajita mix and line your pan with a slightly-more-than thin coating of oil and set the stove temp to about 7.5-8ish...
Lifehacker suggests that you employ a "one layer rule" when cooking, which basically means that you do not pile a fuckton of shit in the pan when you're cooking it, unless of course those things are SUPPOSED to be like that. Seen:

No less than about 5 minutes later:

No need to overdo it this time, since I will be cooking this in with MORE stuff shortly.

Now go ahead and dump THAT in that enormous pot back there on the stove (or counter, dependent on your preference)

Now, you go ahead and cut the casings off of those sausages and begin to brown them like you would ground beef:

Be careful to shy to the SHORT side of overcooking, erring toward undercooking if necessary... NO real worry, you have some more heating to do before this is all over.

Oh, hello... How are you doing?

Now, at least 30 minutes (more if you planned ahead like I told you to) have passed and you can go ahead and toss the chicken into the pan, heat on 6.5-7ish:

Be again careful not to overcook, rubbery is not a good thing for chicken. Again, you're not DONE with heat anyway, so erring on the side of undercooked will be okay for this application...

At this time, you can go ahead and drain the liquid off of the carrots and corn and add them to the put; drain NOTHING off of the tomatoes and add them to the pot and add the whole of the chicken broth in. Add in the other veggies (cilantro/parsley, celery, soy beans, etc...) as well at this time...
If you are like me, you missed the opportunity to take a picture of this because the TV is visible from the stove and not the counter, where the camera is, and you were trying to watch football too... Anyway, go ahead and put the heat on about 5.5-6ish and start to pulling the tails off of the shrimp. Cooked or not, make this the last thing you do, as shrimp cooks LIGHTNING fast and overcooking shrimp makes for rubbery shrimp, which is not a good look... Last thing in the pot should be shrimp.

You're almost done cooking now...

Add the shrimp, 3 heaping spoons of the cayenne I showed above (or one regular, or none at all if you're a pussy), along with any OTHER seasonings of your choosing, as well as 1 large spoonful of the minced garlic I never bothered telling you that you needed before now. Be prepared.

I know it doesn't APPEAR to be the prettiest of things, but soups and casseroles NEVER are as great looking as they taste.

At this point, it is quite liquidy, you should turn the heat up to about 7.5-8ish until it boils -- stay your ass in the kitchen -- then down to 5, stirring regularly for about 10 minutes or so, then down to 2 and NOW you can go have a seat and watch football or play LEGO Batman, perhaps even kiss your girlfriend...

Turn the heat off now, go away for about 20-30ish minutes, come back and put in a bowl:

And enjoy with a nice cold beer (unless your name is Tony Grands) and some football games (unless you're a 49ers fan and already hated Brett Favre's fucking guts)...


I am sitting here watching the Steelers beat up on the Bengals, and there is the remains of that empty bowl waiting on me to get up and toss it... I am THOROUGHLY pleased with what I have come up with this time around. In fact, the smell wafting from the bowl has me thinking of going back for seconds.
I would be inclined to say that this is to become a part of the rotation, but it has been for me for several years now, and the issue has always remained that as a "freestyle" dish, it will never be the same twice. I swear, if I could make this shit so I could do PRECISELY this as I made it this time every time, I would be in Nirvana. I was on POINT with the use of the cayenne, I can tell because my nose was running.

Total prep time: fuuuuuck... Set aside a whole day, no less than 2.5 hours for this one.

There IS a full gallery made for this, interested parties can find it here...

Now playing: Foreign Exchange - 07 Valediction
via FoxyTunes
I am WAAAAY beyond pleased with my outcome this time around.
Take care of yourselves until the next.


Wayne Edwards said…
I'm about to lick my monitor.

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