Cartoon Disassembly 101: Session 11 (guest blog series)

The following was originally written by the homie Galen Henderson... With his permission, and in response to a Facebook status message about how comically asinine the villains' plots were on Voltron while snowed in this weekend led him to share this piece with me. With his permission, I am presenting it to the two of you.
There are surely more parts to this series, but I will be sharing the all of them with you complete with link.

[Phlip note - that was it for all of them right there]

And now we will get right down to business...

Greetings everyone, this is the Professor speaking. And right now, I have a public service announcement to deliver, so here it is: For all you women "drivers" out there, STOP WASTING TIME TRYING TO GET THE PARKING SPACES IN THE FRONT!!! Not only are you annoying the hell out of the people waiting for your @$$ to move, BUT YOU'RE WASTING GAS!!! The SIMPLEST thing to do is find the first, I repeat, FIRST available parking space. The walk will NOT kill you!

This has been a public service announcement. Thank you.

Now that I got that out of the way, today we'll go through another favorite cartoon of mine that has been brought back: He-Man and the Masters of the Universe.

The basic premise of this is Eternia is under attack from the evil that is Skeletor and He-Man is the one to stop him.

Here's where the destruction begins:

Now, if you have seen the original action figures, this dude was so ripped his muscles had muscles on top of muscles. In the cartoon, you got this somewhat slightly above average body guy that grabs his sword and calls upon the power of Greyskull and he becomes Captain Musclebound.

Ok, how many of you can say some kick ass Steroids? Not only that, but he also gave some to his pet green tiger that has a phobia of everything. When he gets hit with the Steroid ray, he's twice his normal size and is always ready to fight. Just watch any episode of the new He-Man series & you'll see what I'm talking about.

There are way too many good guys and bad guys to go through and break them down individually, but most of them were screwy in the head to say the least. My thing was, there were only two females (three if you count the queen but she's a non-important character) that helped fight against Skeletor. Why didn't He-Man get with either one of them or both? Here's the reason: First off, the Sorceress was powerful as hell...... that is until she stepped outside of Castle Greyskull. When that happened, a 5 year old kid could kick her ass.

Teela (who happens to be the Sorceress's daughter) was just an annoying bitch. Nuff said.

Ok, next week is the 1 year anniversary of the Dogs of War, so the Professor won't be here. I will be kickin ass, takin names, and spittin them back at people. So I hope you all have fun while I'm gone. But when I get back, the midterms begin. And you're just gonna love who gets taken apart then.


This, folks, closes out a rare guest blog series for me...
That's right, for someone who posts as much as I do, which is to say 'not enough at all' looking at my measly 10 posts last month when considering that I had a couple months baloon well into the 30-40something posts range.
All things considered, though, my rate of work is still better than it was when I was depending on access to my MySpace page that I have logged into maybe 3 times all year to decline friend requests from SpamBots...

I do need to thank the homie first for having written this series for my consumption and allowing me to re-present it to my 2 readers here on my blog. It was a walk down memory lane and drew out some thoughts I'd been having, but never expressed as well as introducing yet another side of the argument as well. That side, to his credit, was fucking hilarious as well.
Thanks for reading, all... I will catch you on the other side.


Tony Grands said…
*goes to find wind-up Orko*

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