True Story©... Reinvention

 


    Where these motherfuckers be getting my number from?
I mean with this one, we knew he had my number but I still don't have a damned clue where he got it from.

That's right, my phone rang...

Me: "Hello?"
Caller: "Okay, so you were right."
Me: "About what? Whodis?"
Caller: "About selling t-shirts not being worth it  That shit was a WHOLE mess."
Me: "Jigga--... Y'know what?  I'm not gon' pile on today... Jericho Jackson!"
Jericho: "Yeah man..."
Me: "So you going to the welding program to get your certificate?"
Jericho: "Dafuq? Hell no! I'm going back to rapping!"
Me: "Bro, it's been TWO WEEKS!"
Jericho: "I know man, but I made sense of the math you gave me and said 'fuck that'."
"Me: "Smart...  But also, your raps were ass!"
Jericho: "No, my CONCEPT was ass. I'm getting off the Jiggaboo Jackson thing, I told you that."
Me: "So what now?"
Jericho: "My new name is Blicky Bobby, I'mma--..."
Me: "... WHAT?!!?"
Jericho: "I'mma still be on that trap shit but for my first mixtape, I'mma sprinkle in some trapped-out references to Talladega Nights. I mean, after my intro song."
Me: "Still haven't learned what onomatopoeia is, have you?"
Jericho: "An auto motto WHAT!?"
Me: "Never mind... But I've heard you rap..."
Jericho: "Mmhmm..."
Me: "... and I read what you called a book."
Jericho: "Right."
Me: "... and you've been THIS clever this whole-ass time?"
Jericho: "Check your email real quick, listen to what I just sent you. Put me on mute and come back, lemme know what you think."
Me: "I'm morbidly curious... As in, I can't imagine this concept being any better than the old one.  Just a sec."


    I picked up my phone off the stand and opened my email.
"Blicky Bobby's Anthem," this is shaping up to be a fucking train wreck already.
Fuggit, I'll play along with this nonsense.

[Phlip note: if YOU want to hear it, you must click on the YouTube link up top]


    The beat starts. The beat is 808-forward, high-level trap shit. It's catchy.
Then he starts rapping...

"Blicky Bobby, the name hit the block like a sledge
Lyrics sharp, cut deeper than the barber's edge
Out the mud, no gloves, bare hands in the trenches
Dreams big, wallet stretchin' like it's jumpin' fences


Steppin' heavy, Nike soles imprint the street
Every bar a bomb, got the beat on repeat
Talk slick, get clipped, verbal techs unload
Blueprint for the grind, every line in code


Who that? Blicky Bobby, the one they don't copy
Flow so choppy, turn the mic to a shoddy
Blicky Bobby, yeah, Blicky Bobby
Never floppy, bars hot, cooked like hibachi


Paint pictures with words, call it street Van Gogh
Every verse worth gold, make the pen drip dough
Never fake--"


I cut it the fuck off mid song, mildly disgusted, and unmuted the phone call...

Jericho: "So... Whatcha think?"
Me: "You mother fucking fucker."
Jericho: "What I do now?"
Me: "I'm like legitimately PISSED how much I DON'T hate this!"
Jericho: "W-wait... You WANTED to hate it?"
Me: "Shit yeah! You have quite apparently had the biggest comeback in rapping since Wayne between 01 and 05."
Jericho: "dude, I was born in 1999."
Me: "Damn it to shit."
Jericho: "What?"
Me: "I'm old enough to be your fa--... never mind. I've heard you rap..."
Jericho: "Mmhmm..."
Me: "... and I read what you called a book."
Jericho: "Right."
Me: "... and you've been THIS capable this whole-ass time!?"
Jericho: "So... You WANTED to hate my shit? You gotta be one of the biggest haters ever to do that, even more so to actually admit to--..."
Me: "... I never denied being a hater. Besides, my need to not like it was based on EVERYTHING that came before it.  But lemme tell you something."
Jericho: "So you really enjoyed it?"
Me: "Begrudgingly so, yes. Like, real spit? If you had been like this, you'd have never been on Wrist Twistin' Kitchen and therefore not still in my fucking life right now."
Jericho: "Damn, wow, so what do you th--...”
Me: "Why you ain't LEAD with this shit, bro!?"
Jericho: "I get it! So what's my next play?"
Me: "Step one?"
Jericho: "Go..."
Me: "Get off my got damn phone and go start a SoundCloud, get your shit in front of someone's A&R, on streaming platforms. Then stay off my phone, 'less you setting out finder's fees."
Jericho: "Damn, well--... uhh, thanks?"
Me: "You're welcome. Hit me with the link to the mixtape when it comes out."


    And with that, we were off the call.
I cannot express JUST how upset I am that I couldn't hate that song.
Is it my style of hip hop? not in the least
Can I objectively see it landing with his chosen audience? fuck yes!

    I've been ridiculing and insulting this young man for like two or three years now, and he has applied it to doing something right. I guess I could say that his thanks was actually earnest.
... and that is why the boys in the marching band call me unc and OG, I guess. I'll sleep fine knowing I pushed another youngun to something bigger than he was prepared to push himself to.

    I can't help but feel that this is all kind of surreal.  I have damn near bullied this man into not rapping and somehow he found some talent in that brain of his and now I am HOPING he finds success in his newfound ability.  I make no secrets that I don't fuck with trap, but I can see that he has something going.
I'm still fuckin amazed.
I guess it remains to be seen.  I mean, I WANT him to stop ringing my phone but after this time I wouldn't be mad if he did!

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