The musings of a madman...

"Bro, I need some advice real quick." Ahh shit... I know how this goes. Me: "Does that 'advice' involve my cashapp account?" Him: "Nah, I'm up right now and that's kinda the problem." Me: "Oh, this should be good. What's up?" Him: "So my neighbor, the--..." Me: "The hot headed wee feller that is aggressively balding in his 20s? The one with the V6 charger racing Altimas on Randleman Road." Him: "Hahaha, that's the one. He called me this morning." Me: "From next door? What for!?" Him: "From Sycamore Street." Me: "Oh shit... What he done did now? They finally get him for street racing?" Him: "Nah... Assault, but it does involve that stupid ass car." Me: "He tried the wrong Altima and got his feelings hurt and hit somebody baby mama?" Him: "Somehow this is worse than that fully unhinged but somehow completely plausible idea you're...

I was going to call, I swear! I'm chilling at my desk Monday when the phone rings... Me: "Hello?" Caller: "I just text you a link." Me: "Bro, I found that link last week. I don't use Spotify when Google packages YouTube Music on the Pixel automatically. Also, good morning Jigga--... shit, Jericho Jackson." Jericho: "You can call me Blicky Bobby now." Me: "I will call you by your fucking name." Jericho: "Fine... So..." Me: "'So' what?" Jericho: "So what did you think?" Me: "Y'know what? I'mma give you this assessment one by one.  We'll do it in real time, even though I built these opinions like a week and a half ago." Jericho: "Thank you." I pulled up the EP TrapAllDayAndNight - The Ballad of Blicky Bobby and my notes to compare track name to what I'd intended to say whenever I spoke to him.  I queued all tracks up and hit play... Me: "Track one,...

  Valentine's Day is this weekend, y'all...      While in general, I don't really much care for or about the day, there are little things in sometimes notice as I travel about my plans from week to week. I made a trip through Walmart and one to Walgreens for general merchandise and to refill a prescription, respectively, within the last few weeks. While I was in Walgreens in particular -- mainly because they're all the size of my kitchen now -- I noticed that the whole Plan B display was completely empty. The comedian in me saw how that could be a trip, what with St Valentine's Day approaching, but thought nothing of it.      When I went to Walmart, I had to go to the health and beauty section for body wash and such items. Passing the "family planning" section, I noticed--... wait... Does anyone other than me find it at all weird that what they call the "family planning" section of the drug stores is ACTUALLY the "planning NOT to make a ...

     Where were we? Oh yes, ride along!      They arranged to come and get me two days later, of course after assembling their team and getting the marching orders coordinated with all involved participants.  Gotta make sure no one gets smoked not knowing where they should be standing, y'know. The morning of the jumpout, I got a text from Ramsbottom to be ready in an hour and waiting in the front at the end of my driveway. I got ready and let the dogs out one last time for the afternoon and we were off as soon as they arrived. Before setting out, they explained that THEIR legal duty is that I, as a civilian, had to sit back and observe only.  I could not be involved or in the line of potential fire, or even visible in their body cams. This means they would not be allowed to let me out of the car until whatever happens has happened, and that anything I saw in this interaction would have to be from whatever distance they parked.    ...