The musings of a madman...

"I'm worried that I cannot trust my wife..." Oh shit, this gon be good! Lemme keep reading... "We met in high school, and I actually lost my virginity to her..." SHIT!!! We all gas and no brakes here. Aight, aight, I'mma chill and just read now. "The circumstances of even that are kind of wild, though. While I lost my virginity to her, I was not her first. In fact, I'm kind of embarrassed to say that I was not even her first on that very night..." Fucking WHAT?!!? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm trying, y'all! "One of the homies from high school had convinced her into meeting at a house party and letting him and four homies run a train on her. I drew third go before we left for the party, so naturally I waited outside the room door for my turn. I went into the room when it was my go, put on a rubber and did the thing. Sometime during, I decided that she didn't need to be in this situation and that I could be the one to get he...

       For reasons all at the same time weird, ironic and obvious to anyone paying even a small amount of attention to recent goings-on around these parts, I've spent the last few weeks rehashing the minute details of everything I have done and chronicled around these parts.      Somewhere in the midst of the work of it, reading and listening back, I began to feel something like contrition over the shit I've done. I knew that contrition is one thing, but to seek absolution is a whole other thing. To seek absolution, one must redress the thing they seek absolution from. That means that declaring myself done with the supervillainy is only the first step. The next -- and more important -- one is to do the work of making it right.      One might think that a step in that direction might include seeking to be held legally responsible for the things one has done, but that is one hell of a rap sheet and I'm too beautiful for prison so that i...

  Y’all know why I do this? For the practice of it! [ Phlip note : I know today is Monday, I still got y’all on Thursday! ]      Several years ago – September 1, 2017 – I made a silly BookFace post that started with the words “True Story©” and proceeded to tell an absolutely unhinged short work of fiction. It made no sense, I did it because I was bored and people REALLY enjoyed it. Because people enjoyed it and I am often thirsty for positive reinforcement, I did it the next Thursday morning and a habit was formed.      In the intervening years, I have continued to do this – at a monetary and time cost to myself – because I have always wanted to write and needed something to motivate me to do so. For anyone who has been around while I have been doing this, and I can honestly say that there are six who have been on for the WHOLE ride (no matter how many “both of you” jokes I tell), have actively seen that I am approaching this developmentally. Where...

       Y'know, perhaps the best means to me getting out of my own way is for me to get the fuck out of my own way... I have created such a network of problems and solutions through the years that sometimes people randomly pop back up almost after I've forgotten they even exist. I could continue describing what I'm talking about, but I think it'd just be best to fill you in on the email I received... "Moe,      I found your contact information while going through marital belongings as I prepare to finalize my divorce in a couple of months." Oh shit. This is not going to be pleasant for me if she's emailing Moe Phillips about a pending divorce. The email continues... "... apparently, a friend of my husband contacted you in December for help on how to vet his partner before proposing to her. It seems my husband knew the girl from their school days and was assigned to use his professional position to press her and see if she would go through with it or...

       They say the dog never has a plan for when it actually catches the car... As I've mentioned before, some wild hiccups that ended in the ER back in December and the fallout wound up setting fire to my PTO at the full time gig clear through April setting things right. Once I was back into the rhythm of accruing my time like I've become accustomed to over the last 18 years, we were more than halfway through the year and I was in full panic mode over how to take days so as to not lose them. I know it sounds weird to be thinking like this and it is still only August, but bear in mind that I am in a  very small department of only six specialists so a maximum of two can be off at a given time, with the exception of extreme emergencies and after the fall and winter I had, I've had enough of those!      So anyway, time off... A few weeks ago I looked at the team PTO schedule, counted up the time I got left and the time I will need or have alre...

       I knew this day would come... I have used the Moe Phillips name quite loosely and without thought of consequences because, frankly, I was clearly sure that there were none. For the most part, that has proven mostly true, save for a couple of little embarrassing happenings here and there.      But this? This could almost be skewed as karma paying my dumb ass a visit... As ever, I'm chilling in the house, scrolling YouTube on the clock between tasks at the ol full-time. In the corner of my eye, I see the screen light up on the Moe Phillips burner phone. It's the Gmail icon. Defying my better senses, I picked it up and read it...      "Moe, What I come to you today with is kind of embarrassing... I own, or I should say I used to own a diner in town. One day last year, I was approached by someone named Maurice who arranged to buy out all of our food for the day if we agreed to feed the community without charging. The day was a hug...

       How goes that saying about old dogs and new tricks? Well this will be the first salvo in a new approach around here.      As those of you who know me personally know, I have expanded my lawn work to a page I created last year on YouTube as well. I feel like I'm finding my footing when it comes to capturing and editing video and I'm only getting better. Considering how very little I knew when I started, I'm quite proud of my progress.      Alongside the yard work, another thing I'm comfortable in my ability of is writing. I've always preferred dead-tree reading and have learned a shift to online reading as I have taken a shine to online writing, but I have never quite been able to get behind the concept of e-books. One thing I have noticed is that a great many others swear by being able to listen to what was written, be it in the car or the office or even just milling about their daily errands. A decision was made... ...

(that ol Charlie is a good boy)      Funniest thing has been happening here for the last few months... Well, I'd say it's not "funny" so much as it is "peculiar."      As we've documented here at length, I prefer my friends and family text me instead of calling on the phone, it forces the conversation to whatever point needs to be made more efficiently. I say that to say *they* as the people who actually know me and my habits are not the problem, but people -- or more specifically, companies -- who do not respect this layer of my relationship with my phone are. It's loan offers after loan offers, sometimes voicemails suggesting some kind of urgency. It's people offering to buy a house I sold four years ago. It's spectrum and whoever else trying to sell me on their services. A couple of them are just random toll free numbers with just dead air!     A s a general rule, I'll send a call to voicemail once and if they really want somethi...

       Not to let you in on more than you need to know about me, but my full-time job has existed under the constant possibility of a random drug test...      I could, at any moment, receive an email and teams message from my manager telling me that I have 30 minutes to report to a draw station and present a sample to be tested for illegal drugs. 18 years and 8 months had successfully transpired without me EVER having received any such a thing, not even after that one time I randomly passed the fxck out at my desk. ... until now...      Last week, I got that message on Teams and the email. When she noticed my light was amber because I was on break, outside cutting the front yard, she sent me a text asking if I got them. I ran inside and checked, responded "on it" to her text, changed shoes and hopped in the truck to go to the center for the test.      13 minutes later, I walked into the center and signed in on the kiosk...

       As you may or not recall, I apparently have a son... I mean that as in only "technically," because legally, I only have a two daughters -- we don't use "step" in this house except in matters of extreme necessity. Rather than drag this tale through an infuriating side quest, I will send you [ here ] and ask that you return when you're ready to proceed. ... welcome back...      So yeah, son... We approached the period since he came to my house as more of a friendship than family, as our blood relation is honestly nothing more than a previously-veiled matter of inconvenient consanguinity. I say that to say we exchange text messages at random times of day, I send and receive memes and answer queries for advice -- again, as I might any of my friends. He has commendably and thankfully avoided employing terms that would have him refer to me as his father, even if he is growing to see me as a father figure. ... until I got a phone call after work... M...