Observations from the road...

After having passed through SC on my way to and from Florida last week, I am convinced that the signs entering the state should read "Welcome to South Carolina... [no homo]" if only for the amount of proud touting of Cock in this state.
Wait, stay with me here, now. I know some of the two of you are not from the Southeast and might not make the connection of what that means, so I will have to explain it to you.
The University of South Carolina, located in the state capitol of Columbia, is mascoted (no, that is not a real word yet, but context clues help) by Cocky, the Gamecock. For those of you not familiar, a Gamecock is a rooster bred for Cockfighting, which is NOTHING compared to sword fighting, make sure you remember that fact and the above link on the chance someone invites you to visit/witness a cockfight.
Also, cockfighting is illegal in the United States, so I would strongly suggest that you turn down any invites to see any such, lest you could be speaking to a federale and soon arrested for involvement in an illegal bloodsport, Mike Vick style, and we all know how that story ended -- with him giving an ongoing recharound to PETA...

Anyway, immediately upon entrance into the state, one is immediately to note the immense number of bumper stickers and vinyls dedicated to fanship or alumni status to the university. The odd thing, though, is that MOST of them make ZERO mention of "The University of South Carolina," they usually say nothing more than "Gamecocks," or more frequently as observed "Cocks."
For every 5 cars, 3 had a USC sticker, vinyl, or tag and of those 3, two simply said "Cocks," which could be quite disturbing to a homophobe who might not know better. Lucky for me, while quite possibly the homophobe, I know better.
I am also an asshole, though. In such, instead of just looking it off and going on with my life, I am going to make jokes in poor taste about it, then laugh at them even if no one else does.

On the way through, very near to Columbia (but nearing sundown, so no picture taken) The Katie randomly says "cocks," to which I respond with the fully understandable "what the hell?" and she points to the van to my left, and their vinyl on the back... "COCKS," complete with the rooster strolling out of the 'C.'
All I could muster was "wow, a whole VAN full of cock... pause..."

Okay, conversations like these are where we REALLY have fun...

Me - "Oh wow, a whole FAMILY of cocks!"

Katie - "Ha! Yep!"

Me - "Hi everyone, my wife just had a baby, and guess what? She's gonna be a Cock too!"

Katie - "My youngest son? He's a proud cock too!"

Me - "Yes, everyone in my family has gone to SC, we're a big happy family of proud cocks!"

Katie - "Yes, even my DAUGHTERS are cocks!"

Me - "I don't know what I would do if I was to ever have anyone in this family who would NOT want to be a cock"

Katie - "Ha!"

Me - "See my youngest son? He's already a LITTLE cock!"

Needless to say, this silly-ass conversation went on for a few more minutes, then turned back to the sentiment shared above... What in the hell WOULD someone who doesn't know better if they drive through a state that is so outwardly proud of cock? I guess it is no small wonder I got a speeding ticket going through on the way to Florida, I was trying not to meet the wrong end of one of these proud cocks. [pause...]

At the end of it all, it seems that cock instead of cotton and debilitating racism should be the number one exports from South Carolina. But there again, what in the hell do I know?


Kousen Tora said…
Dude, you don't live here!! Thankfully since I'm originally not from here, I could care less. But I have seen people get into fights about that very subject!!
Tony Grands said…
No homeaux


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