"I'm on a boat," pt. II -- the 'Now we're on a boat' edition

When I left you, The Katie and I had crashed out early due to a lack of sleep, but today would be different, I promise you. In fact, I slept longer in this damned bed than I usually do my own, it was THAT damned comfortable, even though it was 2 twin beds pushed together and had the notable spot down the middle.
Oh well, with the mattress and the swaying of the ship, it still slept like a DREAM.
Perhaps it is near time for new bedding here in the house?
Wait, this blog is not about a bed, it is about a boat. A damned large boat at that, so let us get on to it.

11/30/2009 Day At Sea Nassau Bahamas

0530 - Wake up... "What the FUX?!!? I wanted to sleep in!!!" Katie mentions breakfast, but the decision is that they serve it until 11 and that sleep will be the idea, so I pass water and crawl back into the bed.

0740 - Wake up for real and brush teefus, NOW we will go to the buffet and get us some breffass... I had smoked salmon, breakfast potatoes, the shrimp scrambled eggs, some salmon scrambled eggs and... Wait... Why is there no FUXING cheese?!!? What the hell is breffass without cheese?!!?

[Phlip note - old people are rude, clumsy and weak as hell, this is a maddening annoying combination]

0825 - "This is your captain Erik speaking..." I was not terribly paying attention to what was being said, so much as simply knowing that he was saying that our "Day at Sea" would be broken up by an emergency medical evacuation, which would take us on a slight detour into Nassau, Bahamas.

09something - Back to the room to make doodies [smelled like curry :-)] and get the camera.
We are not to be allowed off of the boat, as this is not a scheduled port of call, but damned if we didn't go up on the deck and get some pictures.

*Fun note - On the way back to the room, there was a couple -- either newlywed or anniversarying, but presumably newlywed -- who were were either performing an exorcism or praying VERY loudly*

0935 - Due to having been sleep and otherwise not up on the deck, we have failed to realize that we've apparently been in Nassau for a little while now and are actually about to leave anyway. We decide that we will case the ship a bit to take in what we were too tired to yesterday/last night.

0940 - OOH, A BASKETBALL!!! I shoot around for a few minutes, Katie manages to separate and lose herself from me, it would take a while of frantically asking strangers "Have you seen My Katie?" before she happened upon me right at the front of the deck. Luckily, I hate Titanic with the fieriest burning of passions, so there would be NO "I'm the king of the world!" moments on this trip.

1000 - While we're still talking and taking pictures of Nassau, the ship's horn sounds indicating that we're leaving the port that we're in.
This horn is actually situated 20 feet behind me, and is designed such that it is audible for like 10 miles. I was not expecting it to blow when it did, so whether or not I shit my undies is between me and those undies. Again, stop judging me.

1010 - After regaining my composure, we walk the deck and listen to the music going on around us, while people of various ages, shapes, sizes and skin-leatheriness are tanning and sunning themselves on the deck chairs.

1030 - Venture down to the promenade to look into the shops. Underpriced glasses (seriously, lowest price on Oakleys I have EVER seen) and overpriced jewelry abounds.

1045 - Back to the room to regroup until Alcohol can be served and the ship is moving quickly enough to generate enough of a breeze for it to not be hot as slavery on the deck...

1125 - We're on the deck enjoying the breeze.

1140 - To the bar conveniently located on the deck, I have a Heineken and The Katie has a Long Island Iced Tea... While our bartender takes a while to get our drinks to us, then another while to return my card, Katie notices the first sighting of the Davis family.

1200 - We've shot the shit long enough and I finally get my card back.
[Phlip note - Jamaican bartenders are the best]
Now we can go to the other end of the deck and have lunch in the buffet.

1330 - The Katie and I hit the casino and lose some money... They call it gambling for a reason, and I am glad that is not the addiction that I settled in on, lest I might be in some more seriouser shit.

1430 - We're sitting at the bar for drinks when Linda and Cornelia show up... I have a Glenfiddich, The Katie has a Blue Monkey, Linda has a Miami Vice and Cornelia does not drink.

1453 - Despite repeated requests to NOT text or call me, the first person takes it upon themselves to respond to one of my blogs via text instead of waiting until Sunday, as one subsequent blog and several FaceBook status updates advised. I respond to please hold all responses until Sunday morning unless it involves my dog or some money.

1500 - Drinks done and Katie will need to put her souvenir glass she got with the drink of the day back in the room, and I need to make waste anyway.

1529 - After having made a wrong turn, we're FINALLY at the room after having had to walk the entire length of this huge motherfuxer.

1545 - On the deck, now for more music and ice cream to accompany this time.

1555 - Tru Vybez, the house Caribbean cover band, is scheduled to start at 1600, so we settle on a spot.

1608 - They actually start playing, even though they had been in position forever. Noteworthy is that, while they're performing songs that we all know, but it is apparent that English is not their first (or perhaps even second) language, so they're majorly fuxing these songs up.

1700 - Although scheduled for one hour and having started late, they're immediately done with their set... How's THAT for service?

1725 - Deck 5, chicken/potato pizza... Damned tasty, too!

1750 - Walking the shops in the promenade again and taking in the map of the ship, some helpful gentleman informs that tonight, starting at 1930 would be the 'meet the captain' event in time for captain's dinner in the dining room.
Hey, that mermaid up there has some impressive nipples, no?

1800 - Back to the room to shower and dress for formal dinner tonight.

1915 - Waiting to enter lounge while some old bat babbles on about her 18 cruises and how she knows the captain and his daughter had invited her to the bridge -- something they don't normally do for commonfolks -- and I wandered off into the promenade for the warmup free champagne. I return in time for us to gain entry into the lounge, where I got another. Linda and Cornelia got one each as well, even though Linda does not drink champagne and Cornelia does not drink anything. These were for The Katie and I.

1950 - There is a Japanese cover band:

... and though English is apparently not THEIR first language either, they at least know the words, only lacking the inflection for which we love the songs they're singing. Oh well, we get to see people dancing poorly:

... and free champagne, even though one of the glasses was knocked over and broken. A good time was had in spite of the alcohol abuse.

2013 - Leave lounge to take "Formal" pics (the last time I would see a shirt and tie this week) and be to dinner by 2030 in the dining room.

2030 - Our waiter/assistant team are SILLY, and this makes dinnertime very much fun.

2050 - Gibson shows up to the dinner table, I think he was watching the President speak... Speaking of El Presidente, I took this picture in Wal Mart Sunday morning, did any of you know about this?

2120 - Lobster Bisque, Roast Duck and Grand Marnier Souffle... Good damned meal if I don't say so myself.
Now it is time to go up to the room and change quickly into something more comfortable for tonight's show. Upon arrival to the room, we have a towel dog on the bed sporting Katie's shades:

2210 - Make good on that promise to change clothes and head downstairs.

2245 - Magic show commences, unfortunately the only escape done during this show was not unsuccessful and did not result in an asphyxiation death. I dozed off 3 times.

0000 - We call it a night, I am fuxing tired.

If not for the promise of gained weight despite the full-featured gym on board, I could get used to this. I can eat when and what I want. Drinks are readily available and I could learn to ignore the annoying-assed old people. I am not much of a gambler, but should I decide to have a game or few, it's there for the consumption.
I know that whenever White Jesus allows me to win the lottery, I am going on a cruise every other fuxing month until I have seen the world twice.
I will be wading through more images later on in the day for what perhaps could be another post, all dependent upon my mood. Despite the fakeout in having been taken to The Bahamas instead of being granted a day at sea, fun was still had by all involved.
Seriously, I would be fine if someone chucked all the old people overboard, if only to spare me the excruciating pain of having to listen to them complain about medications and ailments on the elevators.
Also, it is noteworthy that there are more Brits/Londoners on this boat than I have ever seen any one place in my life since I came over on the Mayflower. Apparently, there is a large group of 600 or so doing a back-to-back Western/Eastern Caribbean itinerary, so they will be occupying their rooms for 14 days. Put a pin in that, we will be coming back to that as well.


autri said…
i knew obama was gay.

Popular posts from this blog

True Story©... The Treasure Hunt Pt. V - The Conclusion