True Story©... Sasquatch vs Yeti - The Rematch

 

    Fall officially began this week on Monday. For those of us here in west-central North Carolina, the piedmont and foothills region, that means people will trek an hour or two west up to the Blue Ridge Parkway for nature's annual light show in the changing of the leaves. As mundane and unworthy of the trip as this sounds, this is a thing that people drive into the region for every single year.
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[Phlip note: I have never personally made this trip and likely won't, September is the latest I've ever been up there]

    Although the parkway sits right on the way to one of Wife Person™ and I's favorite weekend getaway spots, we haven't been since April of last year. Not that we wouldn't WANT to or haven't had the capital means, we just haven't had the time to get away with my spring/summer side hustle and our now one year-old grandlittle.

    As y'all may or not remember, but should after this paragraph, our last trip up there was... eventful.
Historically prior to April 21, 2024 there has been two Bigfoot sightings in Watauga County and we became the third in a wild incident you can read/listen to here. I've been telling anyone who would listen about what happened and they 1 - won't believe that the ALWAYS even-mannered Yeti got worked up with anything or anyone and 2 - REFUSE to believe that Sasquatch was real.

Sometimes, I personally wonder if the shit we dealt with was real or if it was some kind of daytime fever dream brought on by my ongoing sobriety.

"Yep, that's me...

You're probably wondering how I got here. My name is Yetimer Bartholomew [last name redacted]. How does a dog come across such a distinguished name? Well, my name is 'Yeti' for short, but my best friend the fatman -- well, used to be fatman -- enjoys being a jackass sometimes. Anyway, this little situation all started a couple of weeks ago when we started seeing these posts online laying down a--..."

... YETI! What the hell, buddy!? Gimme back my phone, I tell the stories around here!

    I'm back. Swear, can't leave anything laying around these guys.
As the Reverend Doctor Professor Yetimer Bartholomew, Puppydog Esquire, was starting to say there this all started back at the beginning of the month with a weird tweet.

    As you see, there was little engagement with said tweet by the time I got to it and I have not looked back to see how it has performed since. Ironic that Bigfoot ain't using a picture either but that's another story for another day.
I was left wondering what in the hell he was talking about, but his followup tweet left no remaining questions.

I tried to ignore this one, as it was my grandbaby's birthday.
He even went as far as to lay out a real-ass challenge with his last one before going back dark.

[Phlip note: this MF only tweets in the absolute dead of night like the president and--... Wait, does that shit say he is tweeting from an Appalachian Oak!?]

    See, now I'm torn... I was CLEARLY in peril on that mountain that day and my buddy did his whole job in making sure we all got out okay. I gave him a ribeye when we got home for his good job. I would hate to put him in harm's way on purpose, BUT I also just can't sit here idly and let him get punked. After consulting with Wife Person™ and Yeti, I decided that we would take ol' Squatch up on his offer to run it back.

    I set the meet for this past Saturday afternoon. Same trail as last April, so as to leave no questions as to whether we both knew the location.
To train, I worked with the normally-passive Yeti using videos I found on the Internet. Naturally, the happiest dog I've ever had was disinterested in the combat side of things. Afterall his initial aggression the first time was in defense of his family, which apparently is in his factory settings but only reveals when absolutely necessary. If I cannot make a fighter of him, I'mma have to come to another solution to make sure we make it back down off that mountain safe again.

    Two-ish weeks of preparation was what we had. The back and forth on Twitter continued in the runup, mostly through DM. On the morning of the confrontation, I planned to ONLY take Yeti up on the mountain with me since he was the only focus of Sasquatch's ire. No need to create more work in preparing the other boys for a day trip when it is not necessary.

    I get to the trail an hour early, applying what I learned watching The Wire, and cased out the area for any traps he may have previously or have been actively setting.

1pm rolls around, it's time...

Me: "We're here, reveal yourself!"

No response, not a sound...

Me: "We doing this or not!?"

    There was an extended period of silence in response. I stood there with baited breath, Yeti's leash in my left hand and my right hand on my phone.
From behind me in the woods, we heard the swish of something moving through the brush, followed by the crackle of what was obviously a down branch being stepped upon. In that moment, HUNDREDS of cameras' shutters sounded just in time for WHATEVER was in that brush to scurry back up the mountain to safety.

... y'all thought I was coming out here alone? Hell no, I had embedded myself with Bigfoot hunters from around the continent and had them in a credible belief showing them the since-deleted Twitter feeds and invited them out to the event for their photo opp.
I knew that Squatch would, in preservation of his ability to avoid being photographed, get the fuck out of Dodge before trying to square up with ANYONE if their were a bunch of cameras recording.
Naturally, the Bigfoot hunters gave chase back up the mountain after him.

    Me and Yeti? He had failed to show for the confrontation at the prescribed time, so we accepted that as HIM "ducking the fade," which sets the score at Yeti 2 to Sasquatch's 0...
We got back in the car and went home, where I gave him a victory dinner of liver and rice.


Good boy, buddy!