The musings of a madman...

       The changing weather and the near-constant presence of a Tiny Little™ in my house have pressed me into an extreme level of home body life. I'd say I'm bothered by it, but I'm really only beckoned from my house if it involves food or a leaf mulching job these last couple weeks.      Unfortunately, this means that people come to my door and I am actually home to have to -- or try to -- ignore them. So this past Saturday, I finished the one lawn on my schedule for the day and unloaded my truck, then sat down at the computer in the corner of my garage to work on the YouTube video I had recorded for it. [ link ] As I'm working on the voiceover and PRAYING nothing noisy happens outside my driveway to spoil it, my "should have closed the fuckin door" was confirmed when someone walked up to but not in my garage. Him: "Excuse me, are you busy?" Me: "Yes, and now I gotta record this voiceover for a third time..." Him: "I apologize, it...

       I'm a serial DIY'er... I'm bullshitting, we grew up less-than-rich and I'm a cheap ass who cannot fathom paying someone to do something I can realistically do myself.      Of late, say the last month or so, I've become more aggressive in my research and effort into lawn care. Wild timing to do this at the end of the seson, but I digress. I bought a used pickup truck on October 9th and went right to the work of it paying for itself that very weekend, carrying around my lawn equipment for quick load/unload to get the yards that pay me done as efficiently as possible. This ain't about that though...      When back home over the past now three weeks, I've transitioned from "work" mode to "plan to work" mode. The planning part includes questions to myself on how to do this whole thing better; how to make the yards greener, how to prevent weeds and how as a DIY'er to do all that shit without breaking the bank. Basically, doing ...

       With the lawn season winding to a close for the year, I'm having to turn to other things to pass my time. As I explained last month, clearing my Moe Phillips email box of unread messages was entertaining enough, but as a "do it to death" personality, I was finished in no time so here I am, back bored as it gets and a LONG ways to spring.      Nearing the end of my rope and close to my idle hands becoming the devil's playground, I received a phone call on the burner line... Me: "hello?" Her: "is this Moe?" Me: "uhh..." Her: "Moe Phillips? Do I have the right number?" Me: "Yeah, it's me. Who's this?" Her: "You don't know me but you know my father" Me: "Do I?" Her: "Yes, you helped him when he reached out to you last year." Me: "mmhmm" Her: "He is a preacher and he asked you about--..." Me: "... about how to grow his ministry to be able to expand...

    I have an odd relationship with TV. We own six and there are shows I enjoy a lot, but the one in the garage exist more as a PC monitor than television, and I still somehow manage to fall asleep on the couch even while watching the shows I DO enjoy.      Despite this, two things remain true... 1 - since I have rediscovered my writing as an adult, I've wanted to write for a television show. and 2 - I've always wanted to be on a game show. I've taken the jeopardy quiz twice but that shit is CONSIDERABLY harder than barking answers at the television every night at 7:30pm Eastern Standard Time.      In a semi-response to #1 above, I shared the contact information of a production executive in the industry back in 2020 when I was furloughed from work for six weeks. I was inexplicably allowed access to throw my ideas at him without being hung up upon, blocked or sent a cease and desist. One might say down through the years that I am entertaining h...

       Not to let y’all in on more than you need to know, but I been holding out on you… For every tale of a person who emailed the Moe Phillips box looking for help, I might lend a hand to about one in five. The thing when doling out assistance of the kind that normally comes requested in that email box, I am only beholden to my own opinion. If that opinion is one of judgment, or an active decision that “this one ain’t worth my time and effort” then so be it. Sometimes the “request” comes in as a statement of a problem without an actual suggestion of what outcome the sender might find satisfactory, and I ain’t no fuckin’ mind reader.      So why are we here today? Well, frankly, I got time today… Before I send these emails into the trash bin of history, I will share a couple of the funnier ones with you guys. I will present these in no particular order. This one came in about three weeks ago… “Moe, I see that you solicit for those in need of he...

       I've had a slow week, mostly… I mean, life has been busy kicking my ass, but that is for another time. I've had time to work, clean house and cut the yards I'm paid to cut, but my in-between time has been entertaining myself scrolling on YouTube and Bookface.      One source of ENDLESS entertainment on Teh Book of Faces is the local groups and the absolute fuck shit that transpires there. The other day was no different, see below... ... when I see a post like this, I go and view the person's profile before even entertaining the best part about the post -- the COMMENTS section. Once on the profile, I noticed it had recently been updated to "in a relationship" but with no mention of who with, so NOW I went back to the post and the comments.      Internet sleuths were not about to let this man eat the way he thought he would and called him out on it. Men ridiculed him for having to buy his way to a throuple, women ridiculed him ...

       When we left you , I had done a little footwork for our pal Detective Ramsbottom. I had gone into the probable scene of the alleged crime and done some reconnaissance as to the source of the illicit dingaling pills. In my “research,” I had gained some suspicion that the owner of this store or someone close to him was behind the whole shit.      What I had not noticed until I had a chance to sit down and relax, however, was that there was no UPC bar code on the back of the package. This suggests FOR SURE that this is someone’s basement/garage operation, perhaps as a “fake it til you make it” kinda deal where one goes into business under the radar until they have a proven winner and then they go legit. The problem here is that they ain’t painting houses, they are out here giving people heart attacks with unregulated wee-wee products. I made a phonecall Ramsbottom: “I thought you told me I was gonna have to do some policing?” Me: “Don’t use my...

       I would love the opportunity to say that “y’know, shit has been kinda quiet here lately,” but my life just isn’t set up for things to go that smoothly. While I would love to be able to take solace in no one ringing my phone as much as I DETEST phone conversations with anyone other than my brother, I legitimately hate unannounced pop-up visitors more than I do phone calls. I mean, I work from home and don’t get fully dressed most days so I tend to make it so most people don’t even know where I actually live whenever possible.      You know who does know where I live, whether I like it or not? Greensboro Police Department. Not because I am personally some kind of criminal – Moe Phillips is none of their fucking business – but due to a weird series of prior interactions that have been documented here in pages of True Story©…      That said, I am minding the business that ACTUALLY pays me in my bottom-front room facing my drive...

       I had told myself I wasn’t doing this shit again, really I tried… After that last time , I NEEDED not try this shit again!      My problem is that I can’t idly sit by and do nothing when pressed with a problem I can fix, especially when I can do so without necessarily getting my hands dirty. That said, I'm home trying to lay low after the last weeks’ Vegas adventures – mainly trying not to further draw the ire of Wife Person™ – minding my own damn business when I get an email to the Moe Phillips account… “Moe, I come to you with this because I am really not sure who else I could approach with this. I was recently employed at a small family restaurant where the money and tips were good enough for my lifestyle until a family member needed some financial help and put me and mine in a bit of a bind. I asked the owner if it would be possible to get some more hours to make up what my mother and I had had to lay out to help out and his response wa...

       “So where was he?” you ask… The short answer would be “away for two weeks,” but the full picture is much MUCH deeper.      Part of me wants to just up and tell you “look, I lost track of what day it was week before last and landed myself in the ER last week and got thrown off,” but where would be the fun in that? Let’s go back, way back into time to the distant time coordinates of Monday August 19… I had a doctor’s appointment that morning and, after noticing that I have a TON of unused leave time at work, decided to take the whole day off instead of just the couple of hours to cover my appointment/lab time. My visit goes fine and I swing by the lab to have my blood drawn on the way back to the house to cut my front yard. As I have made some adjustments to my mower which anyone connected to me on BookFace has seen, I double-cut the yard so it took me 30 minutes instead of 13. Still no biggie.      What happened next is t...