Desperation becomes them...

Desperation is not a terribly masculine trait...

This week, we have seen both Gilbert Arenas and Chris Brown bitching up in the news.
For those that don't know...

Took to esquire magazine just ahead of his sentencing to talk about how he deserves to be punished for what he did. This comes as a total surprise to me, to suggest that any man, regardless of his income level, should be PUNISHED for breaking a law, especially when the breaking of that law might, you know... KILL someone?
This comes in the same week that he was revealed to have requested a change in jersey number to be like NBA Model Citizen, LeBron James as well. I would be so inclined to think that this move was in earnest if I hadn't thought that Gilbert Arenas was totally full of shit BEFORE carrying guns across state lines and pulling them on a teammate "as a joke." Coincidentally(?), it also happens to come about a week or so ahead of his sentencing for the aforementioned running afoul of established legal statutes.
That is where it reeks of desperation. We have a man, who claims to have bought "over 500 guns from some old man" and moved all but 5 of them to a storage unit when he started making extramarital babies.
[Phlip note - I am sure that the gub'mint would be interested in the whereabouts and origin of those pieces as well if this were true... Just sayin']
See? What you (and that sentencing judge) were SUPPOSED to hear is that we have a concerned unwed father who happens to be very concerned for the wellbeing of his children and his babies' mother who allegedly had sex with Shaq. We, including that judge, are supposed to look on his situation with compassion and not come down so hard on him for his transgressions because he is actually a good guy, despite his apparent delusions of being the Black Frank Castle.
[Phlip note - the nerds among us know who that is and get the reference without needing to click the link]
Anyway... In the face of all presented evidence and stupidly discussed-by-the-accused details of this story, we're to believe that Gilbert Arenas is actually a good guy who was a victim of his own dry sense of humor more than anything. In so much, he is to be sentenced leniently, no more than 30-60 days -- if any jail time at all -- followed by some unsupervised probation and community service that can be served with a couple of bullshit PSAs and maybe a reality show where he goes around and talks to kids, like Mike Vick and T.I.. I mean, after all, the owner of his employer died recently, and he has a picture of him in his garage, which led him to call the man's wife to apologize and cry over it. Since she cried with him and he says she forgives him, everyone else should too.
Then all will be better, he will be a good boy and can return to his 8-figure-a-year job.
That is, of course, if we believe him... Which I don't.
Stick that ignorant sumbitch in jail for as long as you can fathom leaving him there, make him the example that you made Mike Vick, let him prove that he deserves a chance at the blessing of fortune and fame that he seems to enjoy spitting in the face of.

This little yellow-toned fucker can't seem to make up his mind, and needs to take to every social networking medium to remind us of such.
First he wants everyone to know that he is not a monster, enlisting the ever-valuable help of Bow Wow as he takes to viral video to plead his case.
Then he dons a bowtie and does the 24-hour news circuit, where he seems to have forgotten what Rihanna's face did to his fist in that rented Lamborghini that night.
Soon after, he pretty much tells the world to kiss ass and stay out of his business.
Then he apparently came to the conclusion that he was only marginally talented and, therefore, easily replaced in a niche market where the marginally talented only last as long as their good looks and clean legal records do.
Oops... Was that a conviction?
Wait, the conviction was for beating up a girl, wasn't it? Am I to understand that little girls don't like dudes who beat up little girls?
[Phlip note - well perhaps if--... no... nevermind, not going there]
Quickly they will forget having cried when his character died in Stomp the Yard.
When it is someone's job to be famous, and their remaining famous feeds the vicious cycle that keeps them famous, thus continuing the money train, it is advisable not to do shit that might cause that ever-valued 13-20 year old girl market to turn on you. They're far less forgiving than the 25-40 year olds who famously forgave R. Kelly for pissing on a little girl and usually lack attention span/memory enough to remember why they should still hate the dark-skinned dude from the beginning of most Tyler Perry movies.
When you don't get an invite to any of the awards shows during the months following the death of your idol when you SHOULD be able to bring something of value to the conversation, then even WAL MART doesn't carry your album, and no one is checking for it on the internets, where everything is available -- be it for free or otherwise -- what do you do?
You BEG!!!
You jump right back on twitter and wherever else you think someone might provide you some attention and adulation that they once gave, and you offer the most faggoty plea you can muster... You tug at their heart strings, informing that it was them that made you what you are, and that if they intend for you to continue to be what you once were, then they will need to support you by buying your music and seeing your shows and movies. Do not make mention of your betrayal of their support by way of Rihanna's face assaulting you. Why should you mention that? You do not remember any of it, in spite of your criminal record and TMZ waiting to remind you of it every time you're on the TV.
Just let them know that without them, you will have to become an "underground mixtape" artist, and you just can't have that.
It's called Karma, homie, and this is your comeuppance. One thing is it to have to pay the piper for being wildly popular and successful, but generally untalented beyond being a clone of those who came before you, but something entirely other to have to pay the piper for morphing into "Chris Breezy the Bitchslapper." Especially in a fickle market that lives to build celebrities up in wait for the inevitability of the opportunity to tear them back down. Anyone with sense can see what part of this already-known cycle that Breezy is currently in. We would HOPE his handlers advised him to sock away some money in the case of this, the inevitable. The problem here, however, is that they can't seem to properly advise him of when to shut the fuck up, so they've already lost.

There's a lesson to be learned from both of these situations, going beyond the simple tenets of being decent human beings and reaping the benefits of good karma as a result. One would be the spoils that come with doing dumb shit. Another would be the spoils of doing dumb shit and not shutting the fuck up about it, placing yourself further into the grease, by way of jail time or the specter of a flopped album and having to become an "underground mixtape artist."
[Phlip note - I chuckle every time I see or type that]
Perhaps there is a position for me on the staff of these damned idiots... My resume is available by request, and check my past posts for reference, like when I suggested everyone learn when and how to shut the fuck up back in September.
There again, what do I know? I am apparently just a talking head/hater hiding behind his keyboard.


Tony Grands™ said…
" the Black Frank Castle.[Phlip note - the nerds among us know who that is and get the reference without needing to click the link]"

^^^Would have also accepted "Gilbert deserves to be Frank Castle'd for what he did.

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