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How to have a baby... LIKE A BOSS

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Fun fact: On June 22, 2011 there was not a SINGLE baby item in my house… Then I left work on June 23, 2011. As ever, I jumped in the car, picked up my mother and took her home. As I walked in the house, Katie was ending a call and advised me that she was pregnant. To those who know what we WERE planning, this was a ton of bricks on the both of us. For the entire of the prior 7 months, Katie was planning for a bariatric surgery and had a schedule date of 06/28. The pregnancy test that had (now) cancelled surgery was a part of the pre-surgery performed on EVERY woman scheduled to have it. As active and consenting adults, the disappointment of this happening when it happened was one thing, but the urgency of planning for a baby overrides such sensibilities. We went to premarital counseling immediately upon receipt of the news and started planning. OB appointment set for the following week to establish how far along we are and begin some REAL planning for this.
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Ghetto-ass names; they're my birth control

I work in a place where I have to actually talk to people from doctors' offices. Often times, I see or hear people with names that cause me to HONESTLY question: what the fuck their parents were thinking when they saddled them with it? if said parents were even a MOMENT over the age of 16 when they named them? are fathers REALLY so pretentious as to need to name their DAUGHTERS after themselves? Enlisting the assistance of The Katie in the name of collection of the names as presented, as well as offering up a few of her own, I have compiled here a list of some of the most egregious of the names I have since come across... If you happen upon this list and find your name, don't take it personally... If you happen upon this list and you see the name of YOUR child, TAKE IT PERSONALLY and apologize to your children as soon as possible. If you've bestowed one of these names upon an as-yet unborn child, please rethink your strategy, use a different and STILL apologize to your chi
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"Mike Jordan of Rap"

At some point in the not-too-distant past, Kanye Zest dubbed himself as the "Mike Jordan of rap" at some point in his career. I thought about this for some reason yesterday/last night while I was out and about and went more in on it as the evening progressed and it came to me that he was actually being his normal full of shit self when he said that, and that Jay-Z was actually the rightful "Mike Jordan of Rap," not Kanye... After noticing that he (Jay-Z) was totally absent from the Hip Hop Honors last night, I was in the shower last night and I was thinking "well damn, I might have a point there." [ Phlip note - a LOT of what I think about in the shower realizes blog infamy, just for the record] Sure, Kanye meant it as to say that he was the greatest of all time, which flies in the face of those who did it before him and who will come along to do it after him. Of course, being that we're all stupid fucking consumers, we were supposed to not notice the
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