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Ghetto-ass names; they're my birth control

I work in a place where I have to actually talk to people from doctors' offices. Often times, I see or hear people with names that cause me to HONESTLY question: what the fuck their parents were thinking when they saddled them with it? if said parents were even a MOMENT over the age of 16 when they named them? are fathers REALLY so pretentious as to need to name their DAUGHTERS after themselves? Enlisting the assistance of The Katie in the name of collection of the names as presented, as well as offering up a few of her own, I have compiled here a list of some of the most egregious of the names I have since come across... If you happen upon this list and find your name, don't take it personally... If you happen upon this list and you see the name of YOUR child, TAKE IT PERSONALLY and apologize to your children as soon as possible. If you've bestowed one of these names upon an as-yet unborn child, please rethink your strategy, use a different and STILL apologize to your chi...
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"I'm not [...], but..."

Maybe it's just me, but I am being inundated lately with a mountain of "I'm not [item], but..." followed by completion of a sentence -- or omission of what SHOULD complete the sentence -- that would better serve to show that the individual speaking is exactly what they beckon you to believe they're not . Therein lies the power of the otherwise diminutive word "but." [ Phlip note - not to be confused with the immense power that a Big Butt and a Smile obviously holds, but that is another blog for another time] A 3-letter, 1-syllable word can change the meaning and course of everything spoken before it. Seems quite powerful to me. F'rinstance... "Now, I'm not racist, but I totally agree with the law in Arizona, if someone would have done this before, all these Mexicans wouldn't be a problem now " See, now... If you were so sure in your conviction that you weren't a racist, you might have done yourself the service of not followin...
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True Story©... Date Night

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      It's spring, y'all, that means I'm back cutting grass for the money… Not that I'm hurting for cash in a two-income household, but I really do love the additional cash in hand if I wanna just up and grab me and/or Wife Person™ a new pair of Nikes or just be like "cover up your titties and put on some shoes, we going to eat something good" on a Sunday morning without first checking my account balance.      Which brings us to last Friday… I got off at 5 and did a quick first-cut on a new client, took me an hour including travel back home. Barely broke a sweat, didn't even unload when I got to the house, just locked up and ran in the house to wash up real quick and told Wife Person™ let's go eat. Her: "Where we going?" Me: "Put your shoes on and get in that white station wagon out there." She stopped asking questions and put on her shoes. I threw mine on and off we were!      At an to-remained-unnamed restaurant, we were seate...
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