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Ghetto-ass names; they're my birth control

I work in a place where I have to actually talk to people from doctors' offices. Often times, I see or hear people with names that cause me to HONESTLY question: what the fuck their parents were thinking when they saddled them with it? if said parents were even a MOMENT over the age of 16 when they named them? are fathers REALLY so pretentious as to need to name their DAUGHTERS after themselves? Enlisting the assistance of The Katie in the name of collection of the names as presented, as well as offering up a few of her own, I have compiled here a list of some of the most egregious of the names I have since come across... If you happen upon this list and find your name, don't take it personally... If you happen upon this list and you see the name of YOUR child, TAKE IT PERSONALLY and apologize to your children as soon as possible. If you've bestowed one of these names upon an as-yet unborn child, please rethink your strategy, use a different and STILL apologize to your chi...
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True Story©... First Day

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     As both of you know from a previous post, my daughter is nine years of age. Factoring in one year of Pre-K, one of Kindergarten and three years of grade school in my rear view, this Monday was due to be my sixth swing at this “first day of school” thing.   Then back after I got home from Vegas on Super Bowl Sunday, the whole Wuhan Bat Flu ™  thing hit the states and a failure of nationwide leadership served it that six weeks later that all the kids would finish the school year in the crib with their newly-working-from-home parental units.   A summer spent handling things not much better wound up meaning that STILL working-from-home parents like myself would be also helping to facilitate virtual learning with their students close by during work days.      This story is not about that, but it helps to frame the “why” of it all.   Also, big shout to Khan Academy, DuoLingo and Read Theory for keeping my baby sharp ov...
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True Story©… The Death of the Party

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       Sometimes all it takes to ruin a situation is the situation itself…      We have been in this house for almost 17 months now.  I am a decent neighbor; I KEEP the grass cut, my dogs don’t run loose in the neighborhood, I pull my trash cans up from the street as soon as they have been collected and I don’t shoot in the air on holidays. … but I don’t particularly like people, so the BEST neighborly thing I do is minding my own fucking business and leaving people alone.      My wife, on the other hand, is a peopler and has a gregariousness that would cause me to cower into my mancave and lock the door. Compromise: when she decides to entertain, I will make sure the house is clean while I agree to be at least cordial and attempt to refrain from cursing around children.  No promises on that last one.      In that we are now in a neighborhood of people around our age who have children aroun...
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