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True Story©... The Ride

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       I am an awful liar… I don't mean that as in "I'm awful because I lie a lot," I mean it as in "I am awful at lying" .  Yes, there is absolutely a difference      I tell the band kids all the time to just be straight up with shit, because maintaining a lie is not e'em worth it in the grandest scheme of things.  Something I learned when I was drinking is -- outside of WILDLY entertaining stories -- how hard it is to remember all of the elements of a non-truth when the truth is what actually happened.  You ain't gotta work to remember shit if you stick to what actually happened in the first place. … unless, of course, you can convince yourself that the lie you're telling is the actual truth, in which case congratulations you're a fucking sociopath and master manipulator.      Anyway… I'm just getting off work a couple weeks ago and had to go scout a couple of lawns I cut, plus run quotes on two new ones.  I'm not ...
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Wayback - I just woke up in 1991...

In my randomly presented reviews of the years in hip hop, my mind somehow drew me back to 1991... Ages 11 and 12, half the year in 6th grade, the second in 7th -- at a new school, mind you, since we left my pops this year as well... True to how I carried this with 1998 , 1996 , 1997 and 1999 , I decided I wanted to talk about it... No further setup, let's get into this thing. January was a light month, with Gangstarr's "Step Into the Arena," which I am not mad at and MC Breed's "MC Breed & DFC," which I know NOTHING about... Also released was David Blake's (professionally known as "DJ Quik) "Quik is the Name," which I listened to to tune my reinstalled subwoofer before work Wednesday this week. February gave us Another Bad Creation's "Coolin' at the Playground, ya Know," which I liked at the time, and can ONLY explain it off to the fact that I was ELEVEN FUCKING YEARS OLD!!! March gave us only Vanilla Ice...
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Ghetto-ass names; they're my birth control

I work in a place where I have to actually talk to people from doctors' offices. Often times, I see or hear people with names that cause me to HONESTLY question: what the fuck their parents were thinking when they saddled them with it? if said parents were even a MOMENT over the age of 16 when they named them? are fathers REALLY so pretentious as to need to name their DAUGHTERS after themselves? Enlisting the assistance of The Katie in the name of collection of the names as presented, as well as offering up a few of her own, I have compiled here a list of some of the most egregious of the names I have since come across... If you happen upon this list and find your name, don't take it personally... If you happen upon this list and you see the name of YOUR child, TAKE IT PERSONALLY and apologize to your children as soon as possible. If you've bestowed one of these names upon an as-yet unborn child, please rethink your strategy, use a different and STILL apologize to your chi...
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