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True Story©... Home Invasion!

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       Not to let y'all in on anything more than you want to, need to -- or particularly ASKED -- about me, but I sleep naked no matter the season. The only difference is I close my bedroom door when Ava is at my house and not with my ex wife a woman I had a wedding with once... Why am I telling y'all all of this? Because we had to deal with a home invasion last night!      We came up to our bedroom and stripped buttnekkid. Wife Person™ turns on the television in the bedroom and puts it on The Blacklist... or Lucifer... or Burn Notice...  whatever...  She turned on the TV and puts it on a show that will serve as background noise until we fall asleep when there's a noise in the living room, it is the Amazon home screen... No biggie. We got these Fire TVs in my house, turning on the TV in our room sometimes catches the sensor across the hall in the guest room or even the living room TV sometimes.      As I head downstairs ...
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Ghetto-ass names; they're my birth control

I work in a place where I have to actually talk to people from doctors' offices. Often times, I see or hear people with names that cause me to HONESTLY question: what the fuck their parents were thinking when they saddled them with it? if said parents were even a MOMENT over the age of 16 when they named them? are fathers REALLY so pretentious as to need to name their DAUGHTERS after themselves? Enlisting the assistance of The Katie in the name of collection of the names as presented, as well as offering up a few of her own, I have compiled here a list of some of the most egregious of the names I have since come across... If you happen upon this list and find your name, don't take it personally... If you happen upon this list and you see the name of YOUR child, TAKE IT PERSONALLY and apologize to your children as soon as possible. If you've bestowed one of these names upon an as-yet unborn child, please rethink your strategy, use a different and STILL apologize to your chi...
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(8) Homelessness is a way to beat the recession

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I was thinking for a while, that I could probably pull off being homeless for a few months... I would need: A post office box. A storage unit for all my "stuff" My car. A job (but not necessarily) A membership at a 24-hour gym Now that we have established those things, let us look at how this might work... See, my mail would come to the PO box, simple as that. That way I am still getting my stuff from work and the people with the storage unit, as well as the bill from my insurance company. Now, the way shit goes in NC, the only time you could pull this off would be from late March to September, when the night time weather allows you to live comfortably like this. Now, you sleep every night in the car outside of the gym, when bothered by any fuzz, just go IN the damned gym, workout for a couple minutes and all should be fine. Worried about smelling? Take a shower before you leave the gym, the showers are there for a reason. When the heat is off, camp out on one of the couch...
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