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True Story©... The Ride

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       I am an awful liar… I don't mean that as in "I'm awful because I lie a lot," I mean it as in "I am awful at lying" .  Yes, there is absolutely a difference      I tell the band kids all the time to just be straight up with shit, because maintaining a lie is not e'em worth it in the grandest scheme of things.  Something I learned when I was drinking is -- outside of WILDLY entertaining stories -- how hard it is to remember all of the elements of a non-truth when the truth is what actually happened.  You ain't gotta work to remember shit if you stick to what actually happened in the first place. … unless, of course, you can convince yourself that the lie you're telling is the actual truth, in which case congratulations you're a fucking sociopath and master manipulator.      Anyway… I'm just getting off work a couple weeks ago and had to go scout a couple of lawns I cut, plus run quotes on two new ones.  I'm not ...
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Ghetto-ass names; they're my birth control

I work in a place where I have to actually talk to people from doctors' offices. Often times, I see or hear people with names that cause me to HONESTLY question: what the fuck their parents were thinking when they saddled them with it? if said parents were even a MOMENT over the age of 16 when they named them? are fathers REALLY so pretentious as to need to name their DAUGHTERS after themselves? Enlisting the assistance of The Katie in the name of collection of the names as presented, as well as offering up a few of her own, I have compiled here a list of some of the most egregious of the names I have since come across... If you happen upon this list and find your name, don't take it personally... If you happen upon this list and you see the name of YOUR child, TAKE IT PERSONALLY and apologize to your children as soon as possible. If you've bestowed one of these names upon an as-yet unborn child, please rethink your strategy, use a different and STILL apologize to your chi...
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(*) R.I.P. Guru of Gang Starr

Man, it pains me to have to break into this month's coverage with this one... To those of you without internet (a rather ironic possibility if you're reading this), rapper Keith Elam -- professionally known as Guru of pioneering hip hop group Gangstarr -- passed away last night , following what we're now being told was a year-long battle with cancer but we KNOW has been an off/on coma after February 28th's cardiac arrest episode. It has been said that before being called home last night that he wrote a final letter to fans -- purportedly from his deathbed (more on that in a minute. The letter, as consistently presented on hip hop outlets in my RSS feeds, reads... I, Guru, am writing this letter to my fans, friends and loved ones around the world. I have had a long battle with cancer and have succumbed to the disease. I have suffered with this illness for over a year. I have exhausted all medical options. I have a non-profit organization called Each One Counts d...
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