The musings of a madman...

       For the sake of moving this along... The weeks between December 17rd and February 7st was one of the most trying periods of my life and involved not one but THREE visits to the hospital, once through the ER. The months since have been a minefield of minding how I live and follow-up visits. If you know, you know... If you don't, well you get it.      The way my off time goes at my full time job, I am allotted 248 hours a year of off time in one bank for use for both vacation and sick time. I am allowed to roll over up to 40 hours at the end of the year, and that is a wise thing to have banked on some just-in-case shit. 18 years with the company, I've always had at least 25-30 hours to roll as a cushion until my allotment begins to build back up. This time, however, that late-year hospital stay set fire to nearly ALL of my leave time and I approached January with only like two hours. Because of this, I've spent the first half of this year S...

       Y'know, maybe I have been chasing the wrong things... I'm damn good at cutting grass. I'd like to think I'm a decent writer. The raise I've recently been served notice of at my full time job suggests that the person in charge of me is pleased with how I perform during bill paying hours. My daughters and grandbaby are ENAMORED with me, as is basically every dog I ever met.      But again, maybe I'm going about it all wrong. I've cultivated these abilities based on things that I was already serviceable at. I mean, I've unwillingly participated in a few criminal investigations into things that I may or not have been personally involved in, but I don't claim that. This all comes down to a phonecall I received last Saturday... Me: "Hello?" Them: "Phlip, what's up man?" Me: "Trying to keep it in the road, y'know... Sticky side down" Them: "Huh?" Me: "Enough smalltalk, get to it." Them:...

  I've been doing this all wrong...      It has occurred to me that everyone who has come to me -- be it as Phillip, Moe or Phlip -- for advice over the last few years has received whatever nonsense I could come up with on the spot. No thought was given to resolutions or even task-based problem solving, just "how can I make this person's situation as entertaining as possible for me?" The results have been documented in the pages of this very website if you've been around a while. Needless to say, a time was had.      But again I've been carrying this all wrong. Perhaps, perhaps maybe I've been seeding my own bad karma in seeking my own enjoyment in the situations of others and some of my outcomes have shown this. But what do I do about it?      I decided a few weeks ago that it was time for a change... But hold up a second... I have invested literally SO MUCH time into developing my thought processes to offer up anything rese...

  "Moe,      I'm a single guy... Wait, let me back up a second. I'm 27, college educated with a decent job in my major, work out four times a week, 6'1" and I'd like to think I'm a good looking guy. All that said, I'm still single. It hasn't been for lack of trying, of course. I've done the dating apps, I've shot my shot on social media, I've tried my hand at singles events, I've played the bars and as much as I might WANT to I have avoided creeping up my gym. I mean, I would like to think my desires are reasonable; a black woman with no kids (I want mine and hers to be out respective first), match my commitment to fitness and willingness to work into my financial goals for the future as a teammate. I don't know that if this is exactly your wheelhouse but I'm running out of ideas. Please help."      Well shit, we just all gas and no brakes this week, huh? Homie left me his phone number in the signature line of his...

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         I was away from you fine folks for a month in Mid-December, and then two and a half months from January until three weeks ago... Those who NEED to know what was shaking with me during that time know, but those that do not can rest assured that the absence was not fully voluntary or at all pleasant.     One thing I did a lot of between December 17th and March 26th was reflecting.  One might even say I was "brooding," brooding on what in my life I may have done to have foisted my current situation upon myself.  The worst thing for people in this kind of situation is idle time to think about it and lord knows I was damn near literally MADE of time, what with no yard work or outdoor exercise to get up to in the absolute dead of a brutal winter.     I sat and I stewed...  The longer I sat, the angrier I got.  As I said above, the more time I spent thinking on it all I somehow arrived to the conclusion that I was the ar...

       I've been away from y'all, but y'all have not been off my mind or out of my inbox. Just for the record, y'know... So at the beginning of March, I get an email in the Moe Phillips box with a request that kind of made my pressure go up a bit... "Moe,     My name is Belvin and I come to you with a quandary... I have two female friends from college, my wife knows them well and they're both involved with their own guys. They're planning a trip to a cabin the first weekend of spring and have asked me along. I naturally declined, as we have small children in my house and I didn't want to be a fifth wheel. Their explanation was that they wanted to spend the whole trip without having to exit the cabin except on foot, but none of them can cook well enough to make this work and that is where I come in, even offering to let me bring another friend from school to occupy me if the 'fifth wheel' thing was a concern. They FURTHER explained that I wou...

       Okay, so I'm chilling in the house on a random-ass Wednesday morning with the Baby Bird™ . It should be noted that "chilling in the house" means I am on the clock, whereas being "at home" would have meant I was on the couch, in my bed or in the garage. Also, Baby Bird™ is my new nickname for my grandlittle as she physically outgrows Tiny Little™ . Anyway, chilling in the house with an infant. The phone rings... Me: "Hello?" Caller: "Hey Phillip, it's Chris." Me: "Whatup Chris? You usually just text!" [ Phlip note : Chris is the guy who bought my old house, he texts me to come grab straggling mail items when they happen to show. The house is right on my daily travels and is only 8 minutes from my new place ] Chris: "Yeah, it's not mail this time. You got a visitor." Me: "A--... visitor? No one even visited me when I LIVED there! It ain't the cops is it?" Chris: "No, he is insistent t...

     I've been away for a few weeks. No it was not planned. No I will not be explaining publicly, if you know you know.      While on the shelf, I had a lot of time to think about my next moves. I mean, I was only off work one week, plus one day each for the holidays, but this also coincides with the slow season at work so yeah... a lot of time. Sometimes during the day, I'll have the TV on ESPN for noise until "noise" includes a certain blowhard whose name I will not--... Screamin' A Smith. I change the channel when I hear his voice. Anyway... ESPN. They partner with the Make-A-Wish Foundation and apparently John Cena to make sick kids dreams come true and then put it on TV to let sponsors and advertisers foot the bill while they write it off on their own taxes. Wild, but wholly American.      So I has this idea... If you think I'mma fake an illness or borrow a kid to fake an illness in order to get a chance to be in the same room a...

  Wife Person™ has a best friend...      Well she has about four, but one in particular sits at the absolute top of the pot and that is the one she doesn't get to see as much as they might like due to physical distance. They only get to see each other in person about once or twice a year and it always involves an airline ride. They get to see each other this weekend, but I never keyed y'all in on what happened when Wife Person™ went to TN/AR to visit her back in the spring.      It was March, they'd planned the visit for months in advance. It was planned for a week/end that I would be otherwise untethered to anything other than my lawn mower... Me: "But who gon feed me and remind me to take care of the dogs?" Wife Person™: "You do most of the cooking, cleaning and dog-rearing already. The fuck!?" Me: "And no adult supervision?" Wife Person™: "You talked to your therapist on Tuesday, right?" Me: "Of course!" Wife Person™...