Great Moments in Black History - Family Matters Edition

The date was January 29, 1993…

Wait, hold on a second.  Y’all remember Family Matters, right?
The show was a spinoff of Perfect Strangers, apparently the black lady who worked with them at the newspaper had a hilarious family with a more hilarious neighbor and showrunners decided that their show and their random negrous shenanigans would be more interesting in the long run than Larry Appleton and Balki Bartokomous.

     The whole show got aped by the popularity of the aforementioned neighbor and “Family Matters” fell victim to the phenomena of black people referring to shows by the name of the most popular character on the show as the title instead of actually mentioning the show itself by its actual title.
[Phlip note: yes, this was a real thing, I shit you not]

As at least one of the two of you may recall, the show began with three children; Eddie, Laura and Judy Winslow.  In the 4th season, it is rumored that the real-life parents of the youngest kid – real name Jaimee Foxworth – wanted more money commensurate with the skyrocketing success of the show.  Showrunners and fans alike, however, barely knew her motherfucking name and rather than entertain that shit, cooked up a plot in the show – not even the second or third going plot in that one episode – where she would get into some minor trouble for messing up her mother’s dress.

On January 29, 1993 at approximately 8:13pm Eastern Standard time Judy Winslow went upstairs and from that moment on the Winslow family stopped even ACTING like they ever even had a third kid.  Shit, Urkel was more like the third Winslow kid than Judy ever was in the first place.

So brutal was this move that not only was she off of Family Matters, she was off of everything on TELEVISION.  She did not act in literally ANYTHING until the timeless classic Sugarwalls 29 from Elegant Angels Studios (you're gonna have to Google this one on your own, as we are a family blog around here).
If that sounds like the name of pr0ns to you, that would be because she gets smashed on a dingy barstool in it and  also you should already have a pretty good idea of how and why I know this.

(sometimes I'm WILD inappropriate)

I guess the moral of this story – other than “Phlip is an asshole” – is to stay in your lane.  Sometimes you’re so incredibly prodigiously replaceable that they will just send your ass upstairs and never let you come back down and then not even bother with replacing or explaining your absence.


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