1,101 Days

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True Story©... A Holiday Conundrum

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  I was off work on Tuesday...      I LITERALLY spent the day on the couch, complaining about the fact that nothing comes on television that interests me in the daytime until I eventually just dozed the hell off. Well, almost literally... I had an appointment in the morning and had to step out into the abusive cold for a couple of hours, but then I was home on the couch bitching about television as I described above...      While teetering between napping and wondering how the hell Pat McAfee can get away with cussing on television at noon, even on cable, I would have SWORN I heard the "chingchingching" sound we've been conditioned to think of when we think of Santa on his sleigh. "I'm trippin, lemme get this little nap in and I got some straightening up to do before anyone gets home" was the first thought in my head and closed my eyes back.      It should be noted that in this house I actually do have a chimney and a fireplace unlike...
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True Story©... The Ballad of Jiggaboo Jackson

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       I don’t like going out in public… It isn’t so much that I am antisocial – well I kinda am, but I fuck with who I fuck with and that makes a huge difference – but I have also done an absolute lifetime's worth of fuckshit in the community as the two of you have read in these pages in just the past two years. One of my greatest fears is that I will be out with Wife Person™ and or my little one and something that they don’t know I have done comes face-to-face with me. Don’t tell THEM that, but that is partially why I am so reluctant to go out and be places.      … so I am in The Walmarks a couple of weeks ago, minding my own business, collecting things for the Superbowl party and I hear someone in the distance calling apparently for me… Voice: “S’cuse me. Aye man! AYE!!!” Me: “You talking to me?” Him: “Yeah, yeah man… Don’t I know you from somewhere?” Me: “I’on think I know you bro.” Him: “Yeah, ain’t yo name like–… Somethin’ weird, like Fa...
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True Story©... Reinvention

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       Where these motherfuckers be getting my number from? I mean with this one, we knew he had my number but I still don't have a damned clue where he got it from. That's right, my phone rang... Me: "Hello?" Caller: "Okay, so you were right." Me: "About what? Whodis?" Caller: "About selling t-shirts not being worth it  That shit was a WHOLE mess." Me: "Jigga--... Y'know what?  I'm not gon' pile on today... Jericho Jackson!" Jericho: "Yeah man..." Me: "So you going to the welding program to get your certificate?" Jericho: "Dafuq? Hell no! I'm going back to rapping!" Me: "Bro, it's been TWO WEEKS!" Jericho: "I know man, but I made sense of the math you gave me and said 'fuck that'." "Me: "Smart...  But also, your raps were ass!" Jericho: "No, my CONCEPT was ass. I'm getting off the Jiggaboo Jackson thing, I told you tha...
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