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True Story©… Radio Violence

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       My brain is like a training exercise in just how much infinitely useless bullshit can fit into a tiny, tiny space.   I say that to say that I know a LOT about a LOT of things that do nothing in the interest in paying my bills. [ Phlip note : Speaking of bills…   Website renewal fees are next week Wednesday.   Anyone wanna pitch in?   The best nation is donation.   Please and thank you ! ]      Anyway…   I know a lot about a lot but one thing I cannot seem to avoid is unsolicited phone calls and, not those of the “extended car warranty” sort. As ever, this week’s tale begins with a phone call.   This time it was from an international number…   This should be fun. Me: “New phone, who dis?” Caller: “Good afternoon, sir.   Long time no hear from.” Me: “D-do I know you?” Caller: “You ask this every time you speak with one of us.” Me: “’one of us’ as in who the fuck?” Caller: “We...
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In the kitchen with Phlip -- Bread Pudding

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I know what you're thinking "shut the hell up, Phillip, you don't bake!" ... and you would be right in that observation.  I usually don't, but I was up yesterday morning watching the Food Network and I had a couple of dollars to buy myself something, so I went down to the grocery store and made some plans. Start with a flat of crack cocaine King's Hawaiian rolls And dice them up Then a container of grocery store Croissants Dice them up too, put them in the same bowl and toss them together to mix Rub the pan you will use with butter, put all the diced bread in it and set it aside Genuine Swiss white chocolate bar Once you hit it with the knife, it will start breaking up nicely, get it as fine as possible Put it in a bowl, add semi-sweet chocolate chips (or chocolate/peanut butter if you're me) and toss to mix (sorry, forgot to photograph them "tossed," the white chocolate is underneath) Spread them on top of and...
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True Story©... The Snap Back

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       I seriously hate when things I thought I had dispatched of boomerang right back to me. I hate worse when those things happen to mix themselves with what I've had going on in the meantime before returning. Worst of all, I hate when the shit happens REAL quickly. My doorbell rang... Me: "Nonono, nope... Not doing this again!" Them: "But I NEED you!" Me: "You just finished wasting my time in February , what the hell is it now?" Ramsbottom: "Sadly, it's--…" Me: "Dammit to hell! Dig Bick Throbbers again!?" Ramsbottom: "God, I hate having to come to you with th--…" Me: "… aight, you be easy. Sticky side down, shiny side up." I attempted to step back into the house and close the door to return to work. Ramsbottom: "They're not even trying to hide this time. They're back to the old name and all." Me: "Well we established that they're protected by a power apparently greater than t...
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