Hotep Movie Moments - Top Five
Hollywood is here to teach us to hate our own. We are not, under any realistic circumstances to see ourselves in a positive light in the movies coming out of that shithole. Today, we are here to discuss the five types of Negro that they WILL allow us to see ourselves portrayed as.
- The Black Friend©This is the cat you normally find in buddy cop movies. He is partnered with an alcoholic, but
grizzled veteran, cop who does all the thinking and decision making. His role as Black Friend© is to be the comic
relief and come up with Sassy Black Phrases™.
You can expect to see shit he/she says to steal cheap laughs on a
t-shirt at the nearest HBCU homecoming to you.
- The Magic Negro™
We’ve all seen The Green Mile. That is the most prominent Magical Negro film ever created. But not all “magic,” as employed is necessarily metaphysical. Remember that Eddie Murphy movie last year Mr Church? Of course you don’t, the film only had a domestic take of $700k and most people stopped watching after about 30 minutes.
Never mind that though. The Magic Negro comes in as an appliance to remind us that
WhiteAll Lives Matter as they fix the lives of the white family they come into contact with on their way to a needlessly early grave.
Using the above movies as examples…
Michael Clarke Duncan was executed in prison for a crime he did not commit. He has all kinds of cosmic powers and telepathy and shit and uses this to serve people who he would volunteer to be killed by. Mr Church (for everyone other than the 18 people who paid to see it) comes along to be a help to a dying white lady and her only child and becomes family himself when the woman lasts ten years longer than expected. Unwittingly, he changed and improved the life of the kid to the point where she considered him a father figure while never actually claiming him as such. No cosmic mumbo jumbo in this one, but magical nonetheless.
- The Cocky Negro®We discussed this one before on The Rocky Theory. This is the one who shows up a bit too damned
big for his britches and needs to be knocked down a peg.
This one shows up in comedy movies as well. Remember The Other Guys with Will Ferrell? They satirized JUST that when Samuel L Jackson and The Rock stupidly jumped off of a building in pursuit of a suspect. It is a lesson that is taught time and again, you can be confident, but you had better be doing so in an auxiliary role on the way to such or you WILL be taken down a notch if not fully stricken down from grace.
- The Pet Negro™
More comic relief. Well, sometimes. Sometimes he exists to remind us what happens to a Cocky Negro©. In general though, this guy is usually in campy frat movies/television as the ONLY black guy on the Squash team or in the frat with a dozen perfectly groomed Caucasian gentlemen.
Other iterations can be found with topical accuracy, like with Logan King in the movie Get Out. Given what we know about what happened to bring him to this in the movie should not change the fact that this was done specifically to MAKE him (and every other Black person in the movie) a Pet Negro™.
- The Scared Negro
Two words: Scooby Doo.
More directly, this guy usually dies so quickly in a horror movie that they don’t even bother giving him a last name. Sometimes not even a first. He/she is so cartoonishly pants-shitting afraid of whatever they’re up against in the movie that there is rarely even a thought that he was there for any other reason than to remind us of who “they” want us to think the superior race is.