I Apologize...

     I apologize…

I apologize to me. 

I apologize for thinking that a lack of attention equated to a dearth of people who cared. 

I apologize for going dark instead of continuing to chase a dream.

I apologize for letting my output suffer while I felt like shit.

I apologize to my work for neglecting it because I felt like shit.

I apologize to my keyboard for apparently forgetting that she was apparently the only one that I could tell anything and everything.

[Phlip note: yes, my keyboards are all women]

I apologize to both of my readers for--…  No wait, I thank you both for sticking with me despite a complete lack of explanation.

I apologize to myself for denying myself the practice necessary to get and be better at the one thing I have always wanted to do.

     Most importantly…

I apologize for entertaining the suggestion that what I wanted to do was “stupid” (her words, not mine) and subsequently second-guessing myself to the point of sitting still for 40 months.

I will never forgive her for that.

but…

I forgive myself for falling short of my plan.  Fuck a Plan B if I can keep beating on Plan A until it comes to fruition.  If not now, then I have the rest of forever.

I'm working on me, sometimes it takes to spell it out to make it so.  I won't again be bullied by other peoples' expectations of me if they won't be bothered to check in with me first.

I’m here now.  I am still here, better than ever and as long as I have a platform and an audience, I will be here.

Fuck, I don’t even really need an audience.