Some Thoughts on Game of Thrones S7E6

(look, you don't just give me Missandei's fine ass BUTT naked and then take it from me!)

     Yes, I watch Game of Thrones too.

Warning: I will talk about things that HAVE happened on the show and while some call these “spoilers,” I do not since the shit has been online since Thursday and officially available since last night.  If you don’t want spoilers, please close your browser tab.
I won’t approach this like a normal episode recap, because you should have known not to expect normal from me.

So here we go…

Game of Thrones.  Season 7, Episode 6: Beyond The Wall.

     Let me start off by saying that sending a ragtag bunch of misfits into someone else’s home turf to kidnap one person to show the rest of the world they exist seems like a patently horrible idea.  It is a horrible idea with sound reasoning, but still patently horrible.
The brightest spot of the early episode was the back-and-forth between Tormund Giantsbane and Sandor Clegane.
I will skip the “what happened” descriptions, since you should have seen it by now if you’ve clicked on this and entered the blog.

     My opinion that going beyond the wall to bring a Wight back to King’s Landing was a shit idea was proven correct almost immediately as Jon Snow’s band of merry men is attacked by a dead-but-reanimated BEAR (yes, these motherfuckers have White Walker animals now!!!).
More on this clusterfuck in a few.

     Tyrion offers Daenerys sage advice on how to handle his family.  A combination (understandable) lack of trust of Lannisters combined with ego that might eventually get her smoked (not likely) causes her to shit on the advice and we cut scene.  There is some tragic shit happening in the far north, but I don’t need to discuss that yet.  She is using the fact that Tyrion was militarily outsmarted by military people cloud the fact that he reads people, especially his own blood, better than anyone on the show.  With that said, she grabs up her dragons and heads north to burn some motherfucking White Walkers (more on that in a minute).

     Before I go back up north, I need to talk about Winterfell.
Littlefinger’s attempt to drive a stake between Arya and Sansa is working with the planting of that raven scroll for Arya to find and confront Sansa.  Sansa reminds Arya that she and not Jon thought them out of the Battle of the Bastards by continuing to let Littlefinger think he might smash and therefore bringing in the Knights of the Vale to win the battle.  Both sisters, however, know that Baelish should NOT be trusted.  Arya also knows that he is afraid of her after seeing her work with a sword and dagger and that she can better use her anger than he can his fear.
Later, Arya finds Sansa rifling through her shit.  Sansa questions the faces and Arya explains in better detail than we ever got while it happened what they were for.  She also reminds Sansa that she could, if she wanted, become her – or anyone else she wanted to – and inexplicably hands her the dagger.
I have a theory about handing her the dagger.  Now Sansa knows what Arya is capable of,  they both know Littlefinger is a problem.  If Littlefinger is a necessary evil over the Vale, then he could ostensibly be disposed of and Arya can “become” him as necessary, even if long enough to turn them against him.  Since Arya handed Sansa the dagger, Sansa will be the one to kill him.

     Now back to that Keystone Kops mission beyond the wall…
They put the bear down, but not before it mortally wounded one of their bunch.
I found myself asking “who the fuck are these people?” in this section.  They find a small group of Wights and their White Walker and ambush (stupid!) and put them down with the death of the Walker.
…  except for one (thus explaining “stupid”), who screeches loudly and NOW they got the full attention of the army, plus The Night King.
They’re surrounded and trapped, then the broken ice keeps the Wight army from advancing, until that asshole The Hound decides to throw rocks at them and one falls short showing the Wights that a refreeze will let them just walk across the ice.  Dumb, when one considers they were full willing to get wet just seconds later.
Now they’re REALLY fucked, a phalanx closes in on the group and everyone makes s'mores and sings Kumbaya just kinda fucking stare at each other – but not before Gendry can be sent to the wall to get a Raven to Daenerys.  A battle eventually ensues while the Night King watches on and Jon’s bunch loses a couple of more people who no one every bothered to offer names of or spend any time mourning, and JUST when it seems all is lost, Viserion comes in hot like fire (pun totally intended) and starts burning shit up.
The day is saved, right?  The dragons will burn up Wights until the White Walkers come in and claim their piece of the action and then the Night King gets his, right?


Flying around and shit, burning people up all willy-nilly with no direction, young Viserion takes an ice spear to the neck from the Night King, winner of the 2014 Winter Olympics Ice Spearchucking Gold Medal, falling from the sky and dying in the icy water.
(Y'all ain't shit for this)

Holy FUCK Daenerys was calm watching that shit happen!  Calmer than my girlfriend, who I had to promise to buy a new dragon so I could get her quiet enough to watch the rest of the episode.
[Phlip note: funny as that sentence is, it was not a joke]
Fighting continues in earnest, our “heroes” are not fucking winning in this dummy mission.  Jon is beckoned to get on the back of Drogon with everyone else, but the Wights keep dividing his attention, until he notices that the best ice spearchucker in the history of ever is about to begin his second attempt.  Heroically (and fucking stupidly), he is dragged into the water by Wights as the rest of the crew narrowly miss getting speared themselves.
(wrong place, wrong time Donald!  Too. Damn. Soon.)

End scene.

43 minutes in real time (I checked, trust me) later and with LongClaw still sitting right there waiting (why didn’t the Wights/White Walkers TAKE it?), Jon proves himself apparently impervious to frivolities like hypothermia and climbs out of the water.  Oh, NOW the Wights notice that they didn’t finish him and might regret not taking that sword.
Predictably, Jon’s dead/undead uncle Benjen shows up on a horse to fight the Wights himself and declines to join Jon in escape.
[Phlip note: got DAMN these show runners believe in a “Deus Ex” solution!]

Back at the wall, Daenerys is waiting for Jon’s return while the dude she “dad-zoned,” Jorah Mormont is telling her it is time to go.
Yeah, he is FAR beyond the friend zone, after she has been with like three other dudes before him and Jon being next--…  SHIT!  More on that in a minute.
Anyway, horn sounds, Jon gets to the wall and we cut scene to Tormund and his comedic partner The Hound loading that Wight onto a boat.

     Now let’s talk about Dany and Jon…
Yes, call her “Dany.”  Jon apologizes for his dummy mission being a dummy mission.  Daenerys shoots it back, saying that she doesn’t regret a thing.  Some shit about the only way to know is to know.
The exchange that followed was interesting to me.  Jon finally vowed loyalty to her and called her Dany himself (apparently the showrunners are reading the internets), and also referred to her as “My Queen.”
Wait…  “My Queen”?  Does that mean he is her loyal subject or that he is installing himself as her king?  Jorah won't like going back to the friend/dad-zone.  Never mind that she is probably his aunt, because apparently the Targaryens don’t give a fuck about that and besides, they don’t know it yet anyway.

Theory: Tyrion mentioned that Jon looks at her with the eyes of a man in love.  She has ALSO been looking like she wanted to bend the knee(s) for Jon since he touched Drogon last week.  Also mentioned was her inability to reproduce earlier in the episode and that a proper succession to the throne would be necessary.  She mentioned it herself later to Jon.  I am a bit of a funnyman on Twitter:

So what if he DOES and they find that she might not be so infertile after all?  I mean, it’s not like she has free universal government funded Obamacare to get herself checked out.

Oh yeah, then this shit happened…
(FML...  Why does Sunday have to be so far away?!!?)

Y'all still here?  I told you not to hang out if you didn't want spoilers!
See y'all next week!


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