Counting off
If we’re going to keep it
100…
I feel like I need to come up with 99 ways in 98 days
Seems I’m forced to 97 reasons to deal with 96 cretins
95 destructive elements come in to uproot…
… my 94 productive attempted inputs
… my 94 productive attempted inputs
I came in with the goal of 93 rhymes
Shit, I might scrap the whole thing 92 times
Shit, I might scrap the whole thing 92 times
Welcome to the great state of NC, 91° in the shade!
Well, 90% humidity… We do not have it
made!
89 is the percentage of the chance you’re taking mine
Seems like good odds, but believe I ate 80 of the last ones who tried
Seems like good odds, but believe I ate 80 of the last ones who tried
[Phlip note: see what I did there?]
87, they say, is an unlucky number
So I’ll just 86 it, man what a bummer
So I’ll just 86 it, man what a bummer
Hey, I remember ’85, Kareem and Magic took it home!
84 – I am beginning to regret even starting this poem
84 – I am beginning to regret even starting this poem
“High of 83°,” is this even August?
82 year-old senators deny climate change is what to call this
82 year-old senators deny climate change is what to call this
Nine added nine times is 81, that’s simple math mathematics
Jerry Rice wore #80, y’all knew I would add this
Jerry Rice wore #80, y’all knew I would add this
Since 79, I’ve made a mockery of these proceedings
Including the 78 cards in your tarot readings
Including the 78 cards in your tarot readings
Look, 77! I lost my spot in
this rhyme
Philadelphia 76ers are good for a bad time
Philadelphia 76ers are good for a bad time
I just learned 75 is the age limit for Canadian senators
Hell it seems in the States that 74’s where the enter
Hell it seems in the States that 74’s where the enter
Herbie Hancock once played a Fender Stage 73 Piano
72 was the year that the government screwed Rambo
72 was the year that the government screwed Rambo
I wasn’t there, but 71 was the year we lost Jim Morrison
Holy shit, US 70 goes from Utah to Maryland?
Holy shit, US 70 goes from Utah to Maryland?
I get to 69, and you already KNOW what I’m thinking
“68 and I owe you one,” and I swear I’m not drinking
Oklahoma was the 46th state to join the United States
45 is a presidential purveyor of hate
“68 and I owe you one,” and I swear I’m not drinking
67… the number of counties each in
Pennsylvania, Alabama and Florida
Route 66 happens to pass through exactly none of 'em
Route 66 happens to pass through exactly none of 'em
65 Pontiac GTO, that car is my dream
On a chessboard, 64 squares in pursuit of the king
On a chessboard, 64 squares in pursuit of the king
MJ scored 63 in the playoff double overtime game with the Celtics
Once Kobe dropped 62 in three quarters, the Mavericks felt it
Once Kobe dropped 62 in three quarters, the Mavericks felt it
Northrop P-61, the plane they called “The Black Widow”
Gone in 60 seconds is what you’d be when caught in the middle
Gone in 60 seconds is what you’d be when caught in the middle
59 sides on an icosahedron
58 is quite old to act like a heathen
58 is quite old to act like a heathen
Y’all remember the movie Passenger 57 with Wesley Snipes?
Feel like it took him 56 months to get his taxes right
Feel like it took him 56 months to get his taxes right
55 is the year that my mother was born
Africa’s 54 countries call the continent home
Africa’s 54 countries call the continent home
The atomic number of iodine is 53
52 pickup is a cruel joke. Get these hands, come see
52 pickup is a cruel joke. Get these hands, come see
“Fifty-One” was the 50th episode of Breaking Bad
As a 49ers fan, I spend a lot of time being mad
As a 49ers fan, I spend a lot of time being mad
48 hours is all you get in your weekend
After work drives you to take up your Kalashnikov and off of the deep end
After work drives you to take up your Kalashnikov and off of the deep end
[Phlip note: heh, I am good at this]
Oklahoma was the 46th state to join the United States
45 is a presidential purveyor of hate
44 was wonderful, can we get that guy back in?
43 is more bearable without puppeteers and spin
43 is more bearable without puppeteers and spin
42 is the number of the great Jackie Robinson
A war he was drafted into started in 41
A war he was drafted into started in 41
Way back when, we drank 40s on corners with friends
The Honeymooners had 39 episodes in its only season
The Honeymooners had 39 episodes in its only season
The 38th parallel divides Korea, North from South
37 people witnessed Kitty Genovese and didn’t open their mouth
37 people witnessed Kitty Genovese and didn’t open their mouth
Enter the Wu Tang was an album that changed my life back in school
Monopoly was first sold in '35, that game is cruel
Monopoly was first sold in '35, that game is cruel
Miracle on 34th street, is Santa really real?
I bet that store sold gramophones with the 33rpm wheel
I bet that store sold gramophones with the 33rpm wheel
32 is how many teams are in the NFL
31 was a movie basically about clowns from hell
31 was a movie basically about clowns from hell
February 30th is the day I offer as a “when”
And about 29 days is when a lunar month ends
And about 29 days is when a lunar month ends
There is about grams in an ounce
27 bones in the hands they’ll cuff when indictments are announced
27 bones in the hands they’ll cuff when indictments are announced
26 each red and black in a standard card set
25 is an Adele album that my daughter won’t forget
25 is an Adele album that my daughter won’t forget
24, the “Jack Bauer Power Hour”
23 pairs, they say that’s what gives us the power
23 pairs, they say that’s what gives us the power
I wasn’t ready for this undertaking, I’m in a catch 22
The 21st Amendment applies to what I like to do
The 21st Amendment applies to what I like to do
20/20 vision is a long lost pipe dream
Getting old, it’s not even as good as when I was 19
Getting old, it’s not even as good as when I was 19
They say 18 is “grown,” we were so pressed to see it
Well we grew up fast, 17 would be it
Well we grew up fast, 17 would be it
All the while they told us 16 would be sweetest
Shit, I’d stay forever 15 if I knew it would be this
Shit, I’d stay forever 15 if I knew it would be this
14 is the number of days in your fortnight
Friday the 13th is bunk, if I’m forthright
Friday the 13th is bunk, if I’m forthright
The 12 Days of Christmas takes forever
to sing
I was 11 years old before I knew the whole thing
I was 11 years old before I knew the whole thing
We count down from 10 when we’re in the home stretch
9 circles of hell is what I feel I might catch
9 circles of hell is what I feel I might catch
8 is for infinity, or that’s what they say
Opposite sides of dice always total 7 if you play
Opposite sides of dice always total 7 if you play
The cells in a beehive are always 6-sided
5 people, one bathroom, that house is divided
5 people, one bathroom, that house is divided
We’re on Final Four, like the semifinals
Like one man with 3 horses, this was hard to bridle
Like one man with 3 horses, this was hard to bridle
Speaking of twos, y’all know I’m a twin?
Hey, there’s #1, let’s let this thing end
Hey, there’s #1, let’s let this thing end
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