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How to have a baby... LIKE A BOSS

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Fun fact: On June 22, 2011 there was not a SINGLE baby item in my house… Then I left work on June 23, 2011. As ever, I jumped in the car, picked up my mother and took her home. As I walked in the house, Katie was ending a call and advised me that she was pregnant. To those who know what we WERE planning, this was a ton of bricks on the both of us. For the entire of the prior 7 months, Katie was planning for a bariatric surgery and had a schedule date of 06/28. The pregnancy test that had (now) cancelled surgery was a part of the pre-surgery performed on EVERY woman scheduled to have it. As active and consenting adults, the disappointment of this happening when it happened was one thing, but the urgency of planning for a baby overrides such sensibilities. We went to premarital counseling immediately upon receipt of the news and started planning. OB appointment set for the following week to establish how far along we are and begin some REAL planning for this. ...
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"Why do they..."

"... pay athletes and musicians so much?" That is a question simple fucktons often ask when they cry to White Jesus because they're only making 35k annually... I look at it like this. NBA arenas seat on average about 25thousand people each. Tickets, comparing the courtside, suite and nosebleed tickets, are about 50 bucks each. Parking is not free, nor are refreshments... That is a total of $1,250,000 in tickets sales PER game, no? And that is even BEFORE concessions and the 9-fucking-dollar watered down beers... They will play 41 of those games every season in that arena, more if they make the playoffs. Assuming the very natural sellout crowd, we're looking at $51,250,000 per season. Television stations, local and national corporate sponsors WANT to try and sell shit to those 25k people, so they will GIVE the owner of the team money to put logos and place flashy advertisements all about the arenas. Television companies? Yep, they will cut the team (owner) in on their ...
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Ghetto-ass names; they're my birth control

I work in a place where I have to actually talk to people from doctors' offices. Often times, I see or hear people with names that cause me to HONESTLY question: what the fuck their parents were thinking when they saddled them with it? if said parents were even a MOMENT over the age of 16 when they named them? are fathers REALLY so pretentious as to need to name their DAUGHTERS after themselves? Enlisting the assistance of The Katie in the name of collection of the names as presented, as well as offering up a few of her own, I have compiled here a list of some of the most egregious of the names I have since come across... If you happen upon this list and find your name, don't take it personally... If you happen upon this list and you see the name of YOUR child, TAKE IT PERSONALLY and apologize to your children as soon as possible. If you've bestowed one of these names upon an as-yet unborn child, please rethink your strategy, use a different and STILL apologize to your chi...
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