Christmas Spirit

     Christmas is still three weeks out, yet…
From about the time in my life that I would fully credit with making me what I am now, we had some adult-ass Christmases.  I say that to say that we had a couple of things under the tree – if there was a tree at home – and a ton of practical things.
Socks, drawz, clothes and shoes fit to be worn to school were staples.

     At 12, this was kind of hurtful, but at 38 I would LOVE someone to provide me with some of these things.
[Phlip note: no shit, email me for size/address information]
There was no secrets at the time as to why things were the way they were, and since we liked to live and eat, indoors at that, we had no good reason to complain.  We appreciated what we had.

     On into actual adulthood, I was kind of conditioned not to give a whole lot of a fuck about the general mechanics of Christmas given our history with it.  A gift or two to the people around me, special focus on helping the kids to not feel what I felt.  2011 came, I had a child of my own and even THAT changed.  It took some special amount of personal training to work my mind into it, but I think I adjusted to it decently quickly.
…  but I still wasn’t fully and all the way “into it,” I have done for my baby because she likes having things and I love feeding into the magic that is the innocence of childhood.

     Enter: the image at the top of this post…
Yesterday, we set up the tree, with me chilling back and watching the ladies decorate after I did the heavy lifting.  And I literally mean the lifting of the tree.
I repeat…  It is December 23.  I have another round of gifts to order (for which I will reward myself, but that is another story).
Walking out of the house, I commented to my lady “look at this, I am most excited coming from I come from that we have this tree stocked like this with three weeks left ‘til Christmas.”

It is not something I easily talk about and I am not sure how I am even typing this right now.  My daughter is excited for what is under the tree and for what I am allowing myself to let her believe Santa is bringing after she is down for the count on the 24th.  I guess you could say that it took a surprise baby, wedding/divorce and a couple more years for me to find my Christmas spirit, but I am inclined to be thankful that I have finally found it.


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