Sweat the Details

She posted that on my wall…

     I loved it.

It was an explanation to something that I’ve had none for over the last 25+ years.  I am a creator.  I see things that I want to see, I see things HOW I want to see them.  My eye and ear for detail are so tuned to things that I think I will later find important – or better still things I KNOW I will – that small details are outside of my purview.

     She is learning, through this, that my issue is not that I don’t give a fuck so much as that I am more for things that one SHOULD be giving a fuck about than to allow time for things that don’t excite me or just probably don’t fit that description.
That is why I hate smalltalk and can prattle on for hours about the inner nuances of Herbie Hancock’s Vein Melter.

     But it shows that she spends time trying to “get” me instead of applying needless energy to “fixing” me.
I know I am broken, and presented myself as such when we met.  A large part of making me better is putting the effort to understanding me and letting me become, instead of throwing energy into making me something that I would never create myself.

It is an odd, and very delicate line to walk.  I know I am fucked up.

     As I type this, I sit 12 feet from her, she fully gets that I was not feeling the television and needed to type.  I could never thank or state my appreciation for her understanding enough.