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How to have a baby... LIKE A BOSS

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Fun fact: On June 22, 2011 there was not a SINGLE baby item in my house… Then I left work on June 23, 2011. As ever, I jumped in the car, picked up my mother and took her home. As I walked in the house, Katie was ending a call and advised me that she was pregnant. To those who know what we WERE planning, this was a ton of bricks on the both of us. For the entire of the prior 7 months, Katie was planning for a bariatric surgery and had a schedule date of 06/28. The pregnancy test that had (now) cancelled surgery was a part of the pre-surgery performed on EVERY woman scheduled to have it. As active and consenting adults, the disappointment of this happening when it happened was one thing, but the urgency of planning for a baby overrides such sensibilities. We went to premarital counseling immediately upon receipt of the news and started planning. OB appointment set for the following week to establish how far along we are and begin some REAL planning for this. ...
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In the Kitchen with Phlip -- BAWLS!

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Meatballs, that is. Warning, there might be gratuitous innuendousness in this post. Every Tuesday for the past 5 (going on 6) weeks now, I have made meatballs from ground chicken/turkey sausage.  These were the ones I made two weeks ago.  Each time I have come up with a different sauce to cook them in, only once has that sauce been a standard red spaghetti sauce. Ground Chicken/turkey meatballs in a cheese sauce Cast of characters: Cream of Chicken and Cheddar Cheese soups, cheese of your choice and chicken broth Diced peppers/onions One pound of ground chicken, one pound of turkey sausage, you can use beef and pork if you eat those.  I do not And dice up some turkey bacon in your chopper (optional).  Naturally, you can use regular bacon if you eat red meat Toss in the pepper mixture... ... and some bread crumbs grate a little of that Gouda you had in the fridge and need to use (optional) Two eggs (or one egg for every pound of meat) g...
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True Story© I Nearly Ended the Feral Pig Apocalypse Once

I HATE talking on the phone. If you ever so feel inclined to call me on the phone, contain everything you need to say into 180 or fewer seconds, and try to make it include an arrangement to meet in person and have a conversation if one needs to be had.  Otherwise, text me.                 I really don’t answer my phone except for from a very few people, and even those people will try not to try and call me unless just necessary. I knew the day the call came from a private number that I was setting myself up for some bullshit… *Phone rings* Me: “Hello?” Caller: “Evans!” Me: “Who is this?” Agent: “You didn’t save the number last time?” Me: “Private number, I don’t know your voice…  Identify yourself.” Agent: “Master control calling, we have a big proje--…” Me: “Wait, the same motherfuckers that dispatched me to Vietnam?” Agent: “Can I please at least explain why it is that ...
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